Pessimist Reality

If I was a rich girl

2007-01-24T21:56:00.000-05:00

I'm scared I'll miss the way we use to talk
And if its all forever lost dont wanna know
I'm scared that you're the one that got away
And i want you here with me
Tonight, will never come

There needs to be something there, doesn't there? There has to be some kind of 'click.' I'll never understand those people that don't marry for love, but for money. Those rich girls that are raised to only marry rich and that's all they really look for in a man. They'll put up with whatever the guy will throw at them just because they're loaded and they know they'll have his credit cards later on. Money and looks fall along the same lines, no? There are also guys/girls that will put up with all kinds of crap from a significant other just because they're really hot. Is the money really worth the heartache? Are the looks that important?

I was lucky when I grew up. We were not RICH, but very comfortable. I'd always get everything I wanted. Somehow my mom raised me down to earth and grounded, though. She also raised me to want love, not money. Love and not looks. I wouldn't say that I've been lucky in the love department, I have dated some real losers. But, I guess I've been lucky in that they've all been cute. At least to me. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, after all. None of them have had any money, though. I've never dated rich. I don't know that I'd get along with rich. With rich comes arrogance, materialism, and bad manners in general. No, thanks.

I'm still not dating rich, not even close, but he's adorable and we click. He pisses me off every other week, but I know he would never do anything intentionally to hurt me. He's sweet and spends most of his time helping everyone around him, even at the expense of himself. As annoying as it can get, it's nice to date someone that everyone seems to love/count on. We seem to be polar opposites in most aspects of our personalities, which causes some friction, but I guess in combination we make a good balance of too nice/too obnoxious. And, last but not least, we talk really well. We click. That's gotta count for more than looks and money.

American Idol Rejects

2007-01-20T16:38:00.000-05:00

There's this man, who I assume is a fag, that frequents the Starbucks in Sunny Isles. He wears pink biker shorts, pink tank top, this awesome Chiquita Bananna hat with all kinds of flowers instead of fruits, and carries around a pink purse. Everytime I see him he makes me laugh. I'm never with anyone to make fun of him, so I just laugh to myself. I would totally make fun of him, though. He deserves it. Anyone that walks out of their house, or cardboard box, looking that ridiculous deserves it. I don't make fun of people who can't help themselves (deformities, mental disabilities, etc), but this guy can help himself. He just chooses to dress this way. So, I choose to make fun of him.

There's this big hoopla about the new season of American Idol and the fact that the judges are ridiculously mean to the contestants. They make fun of their appearances and whatnot.. What bullshit! First of all, America loves it. America loves looking at the t.v. and making fun of the people on it. Especially when they are making fools of themselves. In reality, if you saw any of these sad, pathetic souls walking down the street you would make fun of them, too. So, what difference does it make? Personally, my favorite is the girl in the commercials that is a little tubby, has long hair and a mustache and of course, she can't sing to save her life. That brings me to my second point: these people are volunteering for America to laugh at them. I think they're being paid to act like morons, but if they aren't, then they want to be ridiculed on national television.

Yes, we're made from all walks of life, blah blah blah... Yes, everyone is different, blah blah blah... Yes, you shouldn't make fun of others becuase of their differences, blah blah blah... Oh, get off your high horse, you bleeding-heart, tree-huggin' losers. It's sad. It's mean. It's fucking funny. That's what t.v. stations care about. Ratings. Humor. They depend on your couch-potato ass to give them more money. And how will they do this? By exploiting all the losers that want their 15 minutes of fame. If you're that desperate for some t.v. time, then deal with the consequences.

Call me mean. I never said I was nice.

Girlfriends

2007-01-15T22:42:00.000-05:00

There's something to be said about girlfriends. Girlfriends can be catty, bitchy and competitive, but they can also be an ear to hear your whining, unwarented-yet-needed-advice and generally a fun companion when you have to run mindless errands. I had a lot of girlfriends when I was in high school. Considering I went to an all-girl school it was kind of inevitable, but things are way different now. Since I moved into Hell, FL I have surrounded myself with boys. Straight boys, gay boys, boys nonetheless. I keep telling myself it's because I don't have anything in common with any of the girls here and don't get along with them. I don't really know how true that is, but I will tell you one thing: I miss having girlfriends. Although one can say that having gay boys and girlfriends are the same thing, they really aren't. Yes, they're both fun to go shopping with, but you usually can't take the boys into the dressing room with you. Yes, you can talk about your romantic joys and sorrows with both, but gay boys are mostly whores, so the advice isn't the same.

My lack of girlfriends put me into a I NEED CHICK FRIENDS kick last week, so I actually put up a semi-personals ad on a website. I was surprised at the fact that I got quite a few responses from people claiming to be like me in that they weren't into the "Miami Scene" and just wanted someone to hang out with. Quite a few of these girls were from out of state and had just moved here less than a year ago and they all say the same thing: meeting people in Miami is close to impossible. I think young people here are just unfriendly. Unless you've been friends with someone since elementary school, or are part of their family, they don't bother. They don't need you. And, if you're not into the "party" scene it's even worse. At least with the drinking and drugging you can meet people while you're fucked up and may become friends with them. Apparently it's not so easy for us sober folks.

Now, out of the 7 responses I got there are 3 girls that I thought I may get along with. However, after the recent few emails this list has gotten smaller. One of the girls is OBSESSED with how much she just loooooves her boyfriend and how happy she is. Well, thanks. I'm happy for you, but I don't really need to hear it all the time. I don't want to be picky, but I can tell this is something that will get on my nerves. Girl number two is a bit trashy.. she's sarcastic and kind of obnoxious like me, but she's like 30 and still thinks she's a goth. That's just sad. Girl number three is still being evaluated, but I'll let you know how it goes.

As for the Miami school of thought in sticking with the people that have been there forever.. maybe they're right. Maybe there is something to be said for people that have known you for most of your life and have always been there. Through good moments, bad moments and everything in between.. they're there. That's pretty cool.

The Lilith Files

2007-01-10T17:03:00.000-05:00

Lilith is a Mesopotamian goddess that became a night demon who was believed to harm male children. She was the boss lady off all incubi and succubi. There's much more to her story, but I won't get into it because it's not the real reason for this post. Quite a few of you know about my little stint as a dominatrix. For those of you that don't, about 5 or 6 years ago (I can't remember specific time frames) I trained to become a dominatrix. I was curious about the profession and found a place in Ft. Lauderdale online. Upon Joey's goading I wrote to them to ask about becoming a slave in their dungeon. They wrote back asking me to come in for an informal interview and asked for my pictures. I went in and met with Cassandra, who explained to me the ins and outs of the job and she asked if I would be interested in training as a potential dom. Really?? Cool! Just like porn stars and strippers have stage names, so Mistress Lilith was born.

This place was cool as hell. It had all the fantasy rooms you could possibly imagine, a Catherine Wheel (now you know where the band got the name), doctor's/surgical room, school classroom, cross-dressing room.. it even had a bed for people to sleep there overnight! You would pay an obscene amount of money to sleep in the dungeon with a mistress. The mistress slept on the bed and you slept in a cage underneath her. It would be bolted shut and there would be security there overnight, so it was safe, but it's still a little creepy. They also had what they called "houseboys." Each mistress had their own boy. Houseboys were men who volunteered to be slaves. They took time out of their own schedules to go there on a daily basis and do the mistress' bidding. The one houseboy I worked with was Hillary (who is not his real name, they were all given female names for humiliation). Hillary wasn't mine, he belonged to Cassandra. In exchange for occasional beatings and more humiliation he did whatever he was told. When I say WHATEVER, I mean WHATEVER. Hillary was the one houseboy that was there all the time. He cleaned up, even after "sessions" with other men who sprayed their spunk everywhere. He bought lunch for Cassandra, he picked up her dry cleaning. Anything. I think I need me one of those now!! Hillary was a very sweet, very timid older gentleman (probably about 50ish). When I started I was supposed to train with Hillary, who was very excited at the prospect. Poor Hillary's fantasy was killed when Cassandra met a young boy online (Chris), who we nicknamed Bunny. Bunny came in and ended up becoming my guinea pig. I whipped him, tied him up, clamped his nipples, etc. I was really into the Japanese Rope Bondage, so I practiced that most. Something about tying a man up completely and kind of cutting off the circulation to his nether regions was appealing. Sick, I know. Eventually Bunny and I ended up dating a bit. "Dating" is a strong word, really.. we just played around some.

But, I digress.. I could recount several stories about men paying ($200 for an hour session) for this treatment, but this post will end up being ridiculously long. So, I will give you one story that really stuck to me: There was a man that came in one day, who was a BIG fan of Cassandra's. She had spent the day in the highest stiletto boots I've ever seen and when he saw then he almost wet his pants right there. Apparently he liked "puppy play" and had a foot fetish. Puppy play is exactly what you're thinking. The man liked to be trained and treated like a puppy. She had him crawling around the floor, fetching things with his teeth, and spanking him EVERYWHERE with a plastic whipy-thing. Then, she brings out a bag of fresh fruit. What the fuck are you going to do with fresh fruit, I thought? Well.. she takes off her boots (which at this point must be STANK) and proceeds to smoosh all the fruit with her bare feet. The man is on his hands and knees panting like a real dog and practically drooling! When she finishes smooshing, she puts her toes in the air and he totally licks the fruit off her feet. I was too shocked to want to hurl. Ew!? This is appealing to people?? I don't get it!? I can kind of understand the humiliation, I can even KIND OF enderstand the puppy stuff, but dirty, sweaty, smelly feet? EWWWW. It doesn't end here, though. After all this treatment Cassandra decided that he was such a good boy that she was going to reward him. By urinating on him. Which is apparently not legal, since this isn't a "strip club" and they aren't supposed to see nudity. So, she blindfolds him, takes him into the bathroom (which had a shower), lays him down in the stall and pees on him. Can I say EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWW again?? Dirty feet was gross, but urine?? How could that possibly turn you on?

I guess everyone has their fetish and you shouldn't judge, but I just don't get it. I understand (and like) the pain, I can understand (and like) the domination/submission, I cannot understand humiliation or filth. Dirty feet, urine, feces, blood, where does it end? Ew.

Merry Christmas!!

2006-12-25T22:05:00.000-05:00

I never thought I was much of a holiday person. Maybe I was as a child, but as I grew up the novelty wore off and it became more of a chore than anything else. Shopping for gifts, figuring out what to do for dinner, dealing with all your relatives - all at one time... what a pain in the ass. But, then I realized something... for the past 10 years (since I moved into Hell, FL) I haven't felt like I've had a real Christmas. I miss the cold. I miss the snow. I miss having ALL of my family around yelling and screaming over pork and moro. I miss following my older cousins around as if they were the coolest things since peanutbutter and jelly. I miss my silly uncle giving me wet-willies, because he knows how much I DESPISE having wet ears. I even miss my mean, smelly uncle (who has since passed away), who was just a pain in the ass. Although the family I have here is my immediate family, it just didn't seem the same. Our dinners now start early and end early and there aren't many people present. However, even with having less family around, in the past ten years the few of us that are here have created new traditions. Every Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve we go to my grandmas, and have turkey and pork, with all the Cuban side dishes. My grandfather and uncle sit in front of the tv watching some sporting event, while the rest of us gossip and bitch about everyone else in my family who aren't there to defend themselves. Eventually, my cousin waddles his tubby ass over to the old-guy-infested couch to watch sports and we continue in the gossip/bitching, while eating that 3rd peice of Flan that our fat, Cuban asses don't really need. It may not sound like much, but it's our tradition. Moral of the story: traditions change. People change. Life changes. As much as I love my family and being with them for the holidays, if there was an extenuating circumstance or a reason that I couldn't make it to grandma's for a holiday dinner, I think they'd understand and be ok with it. They wouldn't be upset or not speak to me. They'd deal with it and move on. Not being there doesn't mean I love them any less, so they shouldn't love me any less for ditching them one year. I'd love to one day spend Christmas in Paris. Hopefully they won't be upset by this.

On that note, when I grow up and have a family of my own, maybe the tradition can be for my family (and hopefully my husband's) to come to our home to have dinner for some of the holidays. Because, again, traditions change. I guess we'll see..

Stolen Questionaire

2006-12-22T09:00:00.000-05:00

This questionnaire is pretty old. I had answered all the questions and saved it, but never went back to it. I'll post it now because I like these questions. They're kinda funny.

1. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?
Only one? That's hard. My boss. No, not Joey's mother. I tolerate her. The racist, sexist, Barry White-sounding pig of a boss I have to deal with on a daily basis.

2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?
Ashlee Simpson or Kelly Osborne

3. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?
Cynthia, my bosses assistant.

4. What is your favorite cheese?
Ricotta?

5. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal. What kind will you make?
Blimpie's Best, baby!!

6. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice?
Michael Rosenbaum. Yum.

7. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who do you pick?
Christopher Hall, former lead singer of Stabbing Westward, current lead singer of The Dreaming.

8. Now that you've slept with two different people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy crap, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it?
Dinner and a movie with the man.

9. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
Greece

10. Upon arrival to the aforementioned location, you get off the plane and discover another hundred-dollar bill. Now that you are in the new location, what are you gonna do?
Buy tourist junk :)

11. A demon rises out of Hell and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. It is...?
Mixed drink or a specific alcohol? Mojitos!! Anything other I don't care about, I'm not much of a drinker.

12. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there?
Back to highschool. Back to the days of no responsibility. Actually, I want to go back to do much better in school. Get a scholarship to some ivy league college and become a rich plastic surgeon.

13. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?
No stupid people allowed on my island.

14. You have been given the opportunity to create a half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it called and what's the premise?
Seriously, I can't think of anything for this answer. I'm not that creative.

15. What is your favorite curse word?
Cunt. I use it too often, though. Sometimes I forget who I'm talking to and it's a very harsh and dirty word. Cunt. Yea, I like cunt.

16. One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. What do you do?
Scream my ass off. I'm a scaredy cat like that. They'll prolly eat me.

17. Your house is on fire! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don't worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what's the item?
My pictures.. but, I have so many!! I may be drowned in boxes and photo albums and scrapbooks before the fire gets me.

18. The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour?
Have sex. Then, for the next 25 minutes kill someone. Is that horrible?

19. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What's it gonna be?
Invisibility. Not only can I spy on people and know what they say about me, but I can get on a plane and fly anywhere I want for free. If I'm invisible, they can't charge me!

20. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
The half hour where I got to use a whip and had someone on their knees.

21. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
I don't think I need to say it again. Read "Confessions, part deux"

22. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool stuff... you can move to anywhere else in the world! Bitchin'! What country are you going to live in now?
Italy. In a heartbeat.

23. You have been eternally banned from every single bar in the world except for ONE. Which one is it gonna be?
Uhh.. don't care if I get banned from all of them.

24. Suddenly, you have gained the ability to FLOAT!!! Whose house are you going to float to first, and be like "Dude, check it out... I can FLOAT!"?
Do I have to tell anyone? Can't I just float alone and in peace? And what if I no one I know lives near water? Then it would just be useless.

25. The constant absorption of magical moonbeams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous-person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life?
Kurt Cobain. I wanna know if Courtney really did kill him.

26. The Gates of Hell have opened, and Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person, etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?
My stepfather. Can we go back to the question about doing whatever you want for 30 mins before you die? I'd have him gang-raped by 30, very large, very black men.

27. What's your theme song?
Don't Cha by The Pussycat Dolls. Heh. Don'tcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?

Am I Destined to be Evil?

2006-12-19T12:42:00.000-05:00

I'M BAAAAAAAAAACK!! I have been swamped for a long time now, between school and work and life. I had put this blog aside. I guess it can be a semi-cathartic release, though. So, I'm back. Right on to our topic of the day:

I have a boyfriend. I think? I have a boyfriend who is divorced and has a child. I used to not like children, however, I don't mind them anymore. They can be cute. My boyfriend's child, however, hates me. He's only 3. I know, I know.. 3 year olds don't know "hate." But, I get the equivelant of 3 year-old dirty looks from him. I know, it's not me, it's the situation. I know I'm new and I'm seen as competition for his father's affection. I know he's loyal to his mother and I'm intruding. I know. I also know that it is VERY hard to try to interact and try to relate to a child that you think hates you. Everytime he sees me I get a frustrated sigh and an unhappy look, followed by a hand on the hip. It is extremely frustrating and hurtful. I know I need to get over it and give it time, but how do you deal with something like this? Am I supposed to be pushy and get in his face and make him like me? Do I back off and just let him get over it? Am I supposed to buy my way into his good graces with toys? It's not about me. I know I need to recite this over and over, but how do you not take it to heart? No one is more honest than a child and no one is more selfish than a child. Well, maybe not no one. I'm pretty selfish.. which makes this worse. But, I'm trying. I'm trying to be ok with his constant need to be with him. I'm trying to be ok with him bringing him up when he's spending time with me. I'm trying to be ok with not being #1 in his life. I cannot compete with his son. But, when I try to be a part of this life, I get shut out and it does hurt. Patience is a virtue I lack and when dealing with this type of situation you need a lot of it. Patience and tough skin. Where can I get in line for some of those?

Hairy nipples?

2006-10-05T08:36:00.000-05:00

I get a lot of my blog ideas from listening to Y-100 in the mornings. This morning was the story of a girl who got dumped by her boyfriend because her hairy nipples were grossing him out and he couldn't take it anymore. That got me to thinking.. first off, do I have hairy nipples?! I've asked and no, I don't. Phew. That clears my mind of issue number one. Issue number two: how bad does it have to be for it to be gross or intolerable? Now, it doesn't stop at hairy nipples! What about guys with hairy backs? Hairy asses? What about those guys that are just COVERED in those thick, black, public-like hairs ALL OVER their bodies? The ones that are so thick that it lifts their wife-beater about an inch off their bodies, cuz there's so much padding. Weed-wacker, anyone?

Personally, I couldn't deal with hairiness. I can deal with some hair, but not weed-wacker bad. What about noses? Some people don't like large noses, but I may have an affinity for them. Not necessarily "large," but odd noses, whether it be large or just a funny shape. Most of the guys I've dated have had an odd nose. You know what they say about guys with large noses, though.. ;-)

Where is that line drawn? If the girl/guy is cute will you put up with a little hair? A large nose? What about a minor deformity? I once tried to date a guy with a deformed hand. He was absolutely ADORABLE, good body, beautiful eyes.. but, he had a messed up hand that was almost like a claw. I say I tried to date him because things didn't work out. I'd like to say it wasn't for the shallow reason you're thinking, but it was. All I could think about was him running that hand down my face or through my hair and it freaked me out. I'm horrible, I know.

HOWEVER, to redeem myself, a few years later I went to school with a boy who was hit by a drunk driver and paralyzed. He was also adorable and had an awesome personality. I would have TOTALLY dated him, but he didn't like me like that. Would I have been able to handle it, though? That's a lot to have to deal with on both ends.

All of this brings me back to a post I had a while ago about a guy that works in my building, Tom. Tom, if you recall, walks like he's drunk and can't drive because of it. Could you date someone like that? He's a good-looking guy and has a great personality. Is that enough?

Hairy nipples, warts on your ass, wheelchairs, large noses, I guess beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder.

Bah-humbug.

2006-10-04T09:08:00.000-05:00

I'm tired.
I'm frustrated.
I'm done.
I can't take it anymore.

Flava Flaaaaaav!

2006-10-02T11:54:00.000-05:00

I have one word for you: Ick. How about two?? Icky Ick. Lately, I've been watching Flava of Looove and I'm hoooked. I'm hooked because it's like a trainwreck. You can't help yourself. What I want to know is WHAT THE HELL ARE THESE GIRLS THINKING??? Is the money and fame THAT important? He's so gross!! As if the fact that he's scrawny and about 355 years old isn't enough, but the man has gold-fucking-teeth, for Christ's sake! EW! EEEWWW! And they're all up on him, letting him feel their booties and kissing them... ICKITY-ICK-ICK! I would lose my lunch if he even looked at me, let alone touched or kissed me. And don't get me started on the "Flava Flaaaaaaaaaaaaav!!" Get a life you has-been!! Who are you kidding?! If it wasn't for this stupid show you would probably NEVER get any. And, what's with the larger-than-life clocks around his neck?? Is this some kind of stupid fashion statement or is he so old that he can't see the watch on his wrist to tell the time? Fucking loser.

Confessions, Part Deux

2006-09-11T21:55:00.000-05:00

Joey recently wrote a blog on his myspace profile called "Confessions." Now, as the title suggests, these were random confessions of his. I like that idea. I'm stealing it. Thanks, Joe. So, the following are my confessions. Some are depressing, some are amusing, some are scary, some are just downright weird. It's me. I'm strange. Deal with it.

Yvette's Confessions:

1. I had a make-believe boyfriend in grade school. I used to have a huge crush on Chad Allen, so I created a boyfriend named Chad. Chad took me out on dates and bought me cheap jewelry. Sad, I know.

2. I've slept with more people than I can remember. It's not that it's such an ENORMOUS number, I have a ballpark, but I just didn't care to remember most of them. So, I don't have an exact count of my men.

3. I stole money from my grandparents when I was a kid. We used to have these book brochures in school where we could order all kinds of books and my granparents/mom wouldn't buy me any books (then, they wonder why I'm still in school 2456 years later). So, I was snooping through my grandparents closet one day and I found this envelope FULL of cash. I guess my grandpa didn't believe in banks?! I took $60 and bought a bunch of books. They never knew.

4. I've hooked up with a good friend's crush. It only happened once, but I felt horribly guilty after. She still doesn't know.. that I know of?

5. I was sexually abused as a child by my step father. To this day, I don't think my mom believes me.

6. One of the several thousand men I've slept with was married. Not separated, married. Having much marriage trouble, but married nonetheless.

7. Despite what I say, I do care what others think about me and it bothers me when someone doesn't like me. I also take criticism hard. When you have something to say about me I will want to hear it, but I'll probably resent you after.

8. I'm an extremely emotional person. I hate that about myself. I don't think I'm depressed, but sometimes I'll just sit home and cry for no reason. Or, something bad will happen at work and I'll break down. It's not because that specific incident sent me off the deep end, but just a culmination of factors that came to a head at that moment.

9. I'm afraid of being alone for the rest of my life. I'm afraid that no one will want to put up with all the baggage I come with and I'll end up an old lady with 7 cats.

10. I may want a child. If I find the right person who is willing to put up with my baggage I would probably want a child. I'm a little sad that I don't think that'll happen.

Please shoot me

2006-09-04T09:43:00.000-05:00

Today begins the longest two days of my life. It's Election Day tomorrow. I will be working from 9am to 10pm (give or take) today and I'll be back with bells on tomorrow at 5:30am until about 12am. The day has barely begun and I'm already tired.

The many stages of Yvette...

2006-08-24T19:15:00.000-05:00

There are two kinds of people in this world: leaders and followers. I consider myself a leader. I don't do what I don't want to do (unless it's work-related, but that doesn't count). I don't give in to peer pressure, no matter how many comments my friends make about my non-alcoholism. And, I don't have a problem letting people in my life go, without a second thought, once I've determined they aren't good for me. Recently, one of Ana's blogs made me think about the past. I went to my family's place in Hialeah and picked up all my old pictures. Oh, good lord... I spent 2 nights going through TONS of pictures. Looking at all these pictures made me realize two things: (1) I've always been somewhat of a picture-obsessed, craft dork and (2) I used to be a follower. Everyone goes through stages in life, but I went through a lot of them!! I've switched music genres and clothing styles more times than I've changed my underwear. I was just into the same thing everyone else was into. I guess all teenagers, or most, are like that.. but, that makes me sad. It makes me sad to know that I didn't have much of a mind of my own. They say you are who you hang with and for me it was really true.

I started off into the rap/hip-hop thing, since I was born in North Bergen. Which, for you Floridians, is the Hialeah of NJ. After grade school I moved up in the world and ended up in a prissy, all-girl, Catholic high school where I was one of 5 hispanic girls in the whole school. Sophomore year was the year of the grunge movement. So, then I start sporting the flannel everything, Converse sneakers and start listening to the likes of Pearl Jam and Nirvana. This stage lasted until I moved to Florida, where the goth stage comes into play. I spent my first 4 years in Florida clad in black with way too much makeup and way too much silver jewelry. I still appreciate the "goth" thing and I love the clothes and like some of the music, but at almost 30, I've grown up. Or, is it that I've gotten old? A little of both, I guess. I couldn't imagine being a 30 year old goth-wannabe. If I saw that somewhere other than a club I'd laugh my ass off. It would just be sad.

As a parent, do you want to raise a leader or a follower? Everyone wants their children to fit in and not be made fun of, but how good is that if your child becomes too much of a follower and they start experimenting with drugs and alcohol because of it? Do you want a popular leader who treats others lower than them badly (which is inevitable), or do you want an outcast leader who marches to the beat of a different drum and gets made fun of? The outcast is their own person and doesn't fall into peer pressure, though.

If I ever have children I would want them to be unique and think for themselves, even if it's at the expense of being an "outcast." I want to raise a leader, not a follower. At the same time, I don't know how I could handle a jock/cheerleader child that is popular.. as an adult I realize how stupid it is to try so hard to be popular and fit in, but as a teenager that's all you want. In this day and age it's all about the right clothes and the right electronics (iPods and cell phones), but these material things shouldn't matter. I was brought up a spoiled kid. I took limos to all my school functions (proms, formals, etc) where most people get driven by mom or dad. I wore the best clothes, my mother never took me shopping anywhere other than Macy's or Bloomingdales. Most of the time I had money to go out or do what I want, allowances didn't exist to me. Now, as a 27 year old, I RARELY shop at Macy's or Bloomingdale's and the material things in life don't mean that much to me. I want to be comfortable, but I don't need a Prada purse or Gucci sunglasses to feel this. Is it that despite my never wanting for anything as a child my mother still managed to raise me right and keep me grounded, or is it that I just came into this realization on my own? If it was my mom, I'm gonna have to ask her how she did it.

don't break my heart...

2006-08-17T17:24:00.000-05:00

I love these cartoons! They're so cute.

touilmnu!!

Vague Post # 786

2006-08-15T09:14:00.000-05:00

I've been high I've been low
I've been fast I've been slow
I've had nowhere to go
Missed the bus missed the show
I've been down on my luck
I've felt like giving up
My life locked in a trunk
When it hurt way too much
I needed a reason to live
Some love inside me to give
I couldn't rest I had to keep on searching

Te busque de bajo de las piedras y no te-encontre
En la manana fria y en la noche te-busque
Hasta enloquecer
Pero tu llegaste a mi vida como una luz
Sanando las heridas de mi corazon
Haciendo me-sentir vivo otra vez

I've been too sad to speak and too tired to eat
Been too lonely to sing the devil cut off my wings
I've been hurt by my past but I feel the future

In my dreams and it lasts I wake up I'm not sure
I wanted to find the light something just didn't feel right
I needed an answer to end all my searching

Te busque de bajo de las piedras y no te-encontre
En la manana fria y en la noche te-busque
Hasta enloquecer
Pero tu llegaste a mi vida como una luz
Sanando las heridas de mi corazon
Haciendo me-sentir vivo otra vez
I look in the mirror the picture's getting clearer
I wanna be myself but does the world really need her
I ache for this earth
I stopped going to church
See God in the trees makes me fall to my knees
My depression keeps building like a cup overfilling
My heart so rigid I keep it in the fridge
It hurts so bad that I can't dry my eyes
Cuz they keep on refillin' with the tears that I cry...

A letter to my future...

2006-08-11T09:47:00.001-05:00

Dear Future Husband:

Who knew when I was admitted into the hospital for a broken leg that you would be the very successful surgeon to care for me! I have to admit that the ostentatious display of roses you had delivered to my room every day was a little embarrassing, but very sweet. I thought it would all be over when you girlfriend, the French model, came to beg for you back in her mini-skirt and belly shirt, but I was surprised to hear you stand your ground proudly and tell her you are madly in love with me and will never look at another woman again.

When I was released from the hospital and had no way to get home you even took off work a few hours to carry me out to your Porsche and take me where I needed to go. Back to your 5 bedroom condo over-looking the ocean.. I'm sorry for spilling the wine on your white sofa, I can be a little clumsy. But, I'm sure the new furniture we ordered when you let me re-decorate your entire apartment will look amazing. Who knew Tiffany's made jewelry and furniture??

Two days later, you proposed to me and it was the happiest moment of my life, as well as the biggest ring I've ever seen?! I can't believe you got J-Lo's ring designer to make it for me that fast. Our wedding in Tahiti was absolutely beautiful and my friends and family greatly appreciate you flying them over in your private jet to attend. Oh! And Vickie says her sunburn is much better now. She keeps saying she won't use that EXTREME sun-tan oil, but doesn't seem to learn her lesson.

Now that we are back from our honeymoon in Greece we can begin our new life together. I'm still considering your proposal for me to quit my job and just take care of the house. I may want to keep myself busy with a part-time job somewhere.. maybe Nieman Marcus, so I can get a discount on clothes. Although, the American Express you gave me has already been seeing a lot of use without the discounts, so I guess that doesn't really matter!

Either way, I'm really glad I met you, I think we'll be very happy together! And, my mother wants to thank you for introducing her to your millionaire uncle.. I think they're getting married next month!

I could just kill a man..

2006-08-09T14:13:00.000-05:00

This is a list of the most random questions in the world. I know, I need a life. I already have dorky hobbies, I just need a life.

Would you lie under oath to protect a significant other from the punishment of a minor, non-violent crime?
Depends. If it's someone I really care about then definitely. I have no problems swearing on a bible. It's that whole perjury thing I worry about...

Would you help cover up a hit and run accident that your significant other was involved in, if the person hit was just hurt?
I don't think so. I don't think the consequences of an accidental hit and run are worth the risks of getting caught. It was an accident, they can't be that harsh on you.

What if they killed the person?
This one is hard.. would I help cover up a murder for the one I love? I don't think I can. This isn't stealing a pack of gum.

Would you lie to someone by telling them they are good at something that they really loved?
Yes. As honest as I am I couldn't burst someone's bubble like that. That would be mean.

What if they wanted to do this for a living? (like, telling someone who can't even draw a stick figure that they can pursue a career in art)
No. I probably just wouldn't say anything. If they really wanted to pursue it I wouldn't stand in the way. It's not my life. Well, maybe.. if my future husband can't draw a stick figure, but wants to become the next Picasso, I may have a problem with that.

Would you date and/or marry a person that your family/friends didn't approve of?
As stupid as this may seem, no. Well, wait.. if my family didn't approve of him I wouldn't date him. If my friends don't like him it would depend on why. My friends are a pretty critical group, so it doesn't take much for us not to like someone. If you say the word "like" too much you may annoy us.

If you found a suitcase full of money, would you report it or keep it?
I'd keep it. Call me a thief.

Would you commit murder if there was absolutely NO possibility of anyone finding out?
No. It's not up to me to decide when someone's life should be over. However, there are certain people in my life that I wouldn't piss on if they were on fire.

If you were arrested and had a chance to escape without being caught, would you?
No. I wouldn't want to spend my life hiding. I'd rather serve my time and get it over with and be a semi-free person when I get out.

Would you pin a crime on someone else, that you committed together, in order not to be prosecuted for it?
Maybe. Heh, just kidding. No. I would hope they wouldn't do that to me, either.

I'm not going to tag anyone, but feel free to copy my silly little questionnaire.

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck..

2006-08-08T09:45:00.000-05:00

There's this guy I work with.. we'll call him Danny*. Danny is a very nice guy. He's married with two children, whom he seems to adore. He is a good-looking guy with a decent build. Danny is also a whore. He has been having an affair with an ex-co-worker of ours (who now works in another department, which is in the same building) for over a year. Danny is in his 30's and the mistress (we'll call her Michelle) is in her very early 20's. We hear Danny on the phone with both his wife and his mistress all the time (no, not at the same time) and you can always tell who he's talking to. With his wife it's just annoyance and aggravation and with Michelle it's all lovey-dovey sweetness. He tells her he loves her. All the time.

Now, what's wrong with this picture?? What is wrong with this picture is the fact that it has been well over a year that they are together, he tells her he loves her all the time and he has no intention of leaving his wife and children for her. So, why does she stay? Michelle is apparently not seeing anyone else. She won't because she loves him so much. She loves him so much she is willing to stick around and be the other woman forever? Shouldn't she deserve much more than that? Nevermind the karmic retribution of her actions, or his for that matter, this is a two-way street and they are both at fault.. I think he's a horrible person for telling her he loves her and being that way with her when he knows it will never go anywhere. She's just a stupid little girl and he should know better. He seems to be one of those people who gets off on other women falling for him. Most guys run away when you tell them you love them, this guy gets off on it. To top it all off, this is not the first chick in this building to "fall" for his charm. How stupid can you be?! How charming can he be??

Wake up, ladies!! Is the "I love you" really worth it?

*Names have been changed to protect me. I could care less about them, but if someone from work happens to see this it may not be good for me. Call me selfish.

I hate...

2006-08-04T13:47:00.000-05:00

A while ago I wrote a post about things I love. Today I will do the opposite becuase, unfortunately, the things I hate outnumber the things I love.

I've said it before, I'll say it again: I hate scooters. I dislike people who ride scooters. Especially when it's straight men. Girls and gay boys are tolerable, but thug, ghetto losers on a scooter is just sad. Especially when it's two of them on one scooter. As if being on a scooter isn't queer enough, but now there are two of you holding eachother on it. Get some testosterone.

I hate bigotry, especially when it comes to fags and religion. I've written SEVERAL thousand posts on it. I don't need to say anymore.

I hate when people make fun of those who can't help it. I make fun of a lot of people, but not if you can't help it. If you're 50 years old with Ronald McDonald red hair, Mimi make-up and a hooker outfit, you better believe I'm going to make fun of you. If you weigh 450lbs and are wearing a thong bikini, better believe I'm going to make fun of you. If you're mentally disabled or physically disabled, you better believe I'm going to be pissed if someone makes fun of you. Life handed them a shitty hand to begin with, they don't need your pity but, they don't need your arrogance either.

I hate that I am so critical. It's not very nice.

I hate people with big mouths. Well, actually, I have a big mouth. HOWEVER, if it's something that a close friend has told me in complete confidence then I'm not going to share it. If I don't like you and you tell me something the whole world will find out.

I hate the smell of leftovers. If I have leftovers refrigerated I have to hold my breath when I take it out of the fridge to heat it up cuz the smell makes me want to hurl. Except pizza, for some reason. Yes, I know I'm weird.

I hate people that speak loudly on cell phones in public. While I'm at it, I hate people with those walkie-talkie Nextel phones who feel the need to share their conversation with the world. We don't care!

I hate doing group projects in school. I always end up doing the bulk of the work because my teammates are either dumb or lazy.

I probably shouldn't be such a hater..

How close is too close?

2006-07-24T22:26:00.000-05:00

A couple of posts ago I gave you a breakdown of some of my ex-boyfriends and their worst traits (or mine). In that post I decided not to include Joey, since he is a reader and all.. I wanted to be nice. I'm still not going to get into any details about the kind of person he is or how I was, but I will share one story with you:

Joey and I took a road trip a little while ago. It was a great trip and very well planned I might add (I did the planning). We flew to DC and drove from there to Delaware, Massachussetts, Adirondacks, Rhode Island.. On our way from Delaware to Lake George (Adirondacks) Joey locked the windows in the car and proceeded to FART for about an hour. It was just one after another, TORTURING me with the rank odor that was coming out of his ass. He had binged on way too much pizza the night before, so it was a really special smell. The reason I bring this up is because he did it again the other day. On our way to Starbucks he started pulling the same shit, again having eaten too much pizza the night before. Luckily, this time I opened the window before he could lock it.

Are all relationships doomed to this kind of "closeness?" I guess once you're comfortable enough with each other it's just inevitable. Maybe it also depends on the person? When I was a teenager I was all prim and proper and would NEVER fart in front of anyone, other than my mother of course. That's changed a lot. Now, I don't really care. If I know you well enough you may be exposed. I also had a fear of using public bathrooms.. I didn't like people hearing me do my business. However, now I feel if you gotta go you gotta go. Fuck it. I don't care. I will do courtesy flushes because I would rather people not hear or smell my business, but I will go. However, there is still a limit to this... freeness in me.

I think couples that spend years being married and not do any of the burping/farting in front of each other are missing something. That's just a disgusting part of life that everyone deals with and there is also a disturbing level of intimacy related to it. I so often hear about men not wanting to know any of this stuff about women, "Oh, my wife doesn't poop." Are you kidding?? Yes, she does. She also gets diarrhea once in a while, too!!! Or, how about those women that wake up at the butt-crack of dawn to fix their hair and do their make-up before their significant others wake up and see them "au naturale." Again, are you kidding?? If a person can't accept all of you, in all of your unnatractive, non-makeuped glory, then why bother? They don't really love you. You should always want to look good for your man, but there has to be a limit. We weren't born with mascara and lipstick on. We have our good days and bad days. WE ALL DO. Men aren't always spiffy-looking. They can look messy when they need a haircut and haven't shaved in three days. It isn't all that HOT to look at. Why should women be any different?

I once heard the most amazingly unromantic and sweet quote on "Six Feet Under." An elderly man's wife had just died and he was at the funeral home trying to make arrangements. One of the brothers said something about love and the old man looks at him and says, "Love? You don't know what love is. Love is when you shit your pants in the movie theater and she helps clean you up. That's love." Damn straight that's love.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to take a shit.

Cuz you're ugly with a capital U!

2006-07-20T19:50:00.000-05:00

Florida's radio station Y-100 has been taken over in the mornings by NY/NJs Z-100. I like it. I think they're funny. They had a conversation the other day about good-looking men. Apparently, good-looking guys don't have to try as hard in relationships as your average Joe. What about really hot chicks? Does it apply for them as well? Do good-looking women not have to try as hard?

They had all these women calling and agreeing that their hot boyfriends get away with a lot just because they're hot. That's so shallow. But, I have one question for these women: what do YOU look like? If you're a hot chick with a hot boyfriend, he's not getting away with shit. It's not like you can't do any better. If you're average or unattractive that's when you're going to put up with crap from an extraordinarily good-looking significant other. That's kind of sad, though. How shallow are we? How sad is it that people are willing to date others for reasons like looks or money? Yea, he/she may look good in a bathingsuit, but how do they treat you? And how much can they really "get away" with? Have you seen the new Rhianna video, "Unfaithful?" That exists!! Is that shallowness on his part or just sheer stupidity? Would you put up with someone cheating on you just because they're hot??

Don't get me wrong, you have to be a little shallow. If there is no initial attraction to the person then you never really bother to get to know them. You have to find something cute/hot about them. But, dating someone JUST BECAUSE they're hot?

I may be the complete opposite. You have to be cute, but you can't be HOT. I couldn't deal with dating a guy better-looking than me. Heh. Not that I'm gorgeous, so these standards are pretty low (heh, just kidding), but I couldn't date Brad Pitt. There would be too much paranoia about them cheating on me with someone better than me. Men, in general, are very physical and visual. Not to mention they think with the wrong head most of the time. I need to be able to trust you and if you're that hot I can't. Not too long ago I was chatting with a hottie weather guy from a local news station who kept asking me to meet. I never did. He was too good-looking. Well, that may not have been the ONLY reason, but that's not the point. The point is: don't want no hot, hot man. I'll settle for an incredibly adorable, smart, sweet, and sexy one. To me, at least. That's all I need. I don't care what you think. ;-)

Some of me in a nutshell..

2006-06-28T18:27:00.000-05:00

10 years ago... I was a senior in high school and was preparing to move to Miami (AKA HELL) a week after graduation. My dad met Ana, who was apparently wearing a skirt that was just way too short, and she was forever known as "the girl wearing the short skirt?" That's also the year that my mom went away for the weekend and locked me out of my house. I called a locksmith and had a weekend party where several people lost their virginity and there was an obscene amount of alcohol. I was a demon teenager.

5 years ago... I was still partying and playing way too much. I was living in Hialeah (AKA HELL #2) with my aunt destroying my clothes. She had this really annoying habit of getting bleach stains all over my black clothes. ALL OF THEM. It was quite annoying.

1 year ago... I was extremely depressed!! It took me a while to get over the MS thing. I'm still not completely over it, but I deal with it better now.

Yesterday... I almost ate an entire pizza. I had to stick it in the fridge (I don't like cold pizza) to keep from eating it all. Steroids do make you fat, cuz you don't know when you're full!! I could prolly eat an entire horse and not get the runs.

Today... I had lunch & dinner with my favorite person in the world, which makes me extremely happy. I'm happy most days, but I have my moments of misery.. I'm a little exhausted at my life, but I'm never bored.. that would require time.

Tomorrow... I will wake up at 5:30am and want to shoot myself for not having blow dried my hair today. I'm too lazy to shower and I like the way I smell at the moment.

1 year from now... I will be done with my BPA and applying for several thousand other jobs to get away from my current situation.

5 years from now... I will be over 30. That's scary. Maybe I'll be married with 245456 kids and a minivan? Ick.

5 snacks I enjoy... Peanutbutter Ritz Crackers, Trail Mixes, Yogurt, Sunflower Seeds, Mozzarella Sticks

5 songs I know all the words to... do I admit to this? Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice (shutup, Joey), Mr. jones by Counting Crows, I Wanna Sex U Up by Color Me Badd (shutup, Vickie), Caress Me Down by Sublime, anything Rent, Grease or RHPS.

5 reality television shows I watch... I don't really watch reality tv currently, but I have watched Joe Millionaire, The Swan, American Idol (only the first season), Real World (I was bored a lot), Surreal Life, oh! oh! Celebrity Fit Club. Funny stuff.

5 television shows I watch daily... Law & Order: SVU, Saved By The Bell (because if I have to watch another Natasha Bedingfield video on VH1 I will throw up), Everybody Loves Raymond, 30 Minute Meals, Friends

5 things I would do with $100,000,000... (1) Pay off ANY debt I have, (2) Quit my job and go to school only, until I finish, that is, (3) buy a house, (4) Buy my family nice stuff (5) Buy my friends nice stuff

5 locations I would love to run away to... Italy, Virginia, Texas, San Francisco, Hawaii

5 things I like doing... Reading, scrappin!!, cheesy crafts, spending time with friends/certain family, spending time with my favorite person in the world.

5 things I would never wear... Anything tie-dye, fag-packs, Bermuda shorts, Daisy Dukes, my thong sticking out of my pants/skirt/shorts

5 recently seen movies I like... How recent? Shop Girl, Jarhead, Crash.. I don't make it to the movies often enough to remember any more?

5 famous people I'd like to meet... Christopher Walken, Crispen Glover, Liam Neeson, Angelina Jolie, Ewan McGreggor

5 biggest joys of the moment... Touilmnu, wireless internet, living alone, not obsessing so much about my weight anymore, being comfortable/confident/semi-satisfied with myself and my life.

I tag Ana bananna.

The Ex Files

2006-06-27T08:16:00.000-05:00

This may be the longest post in the history of blogs. Feel free to grab a beer and some chips cuz you'll be here a while. I'll wait..

Everyone has that ex.. the one who did something so horrible, or who's breath smelled so bad that they just stand out in your mind and years later that is what you remember about them. This is just a random list of my ex-boyfriends and their or my horribleness. Well, not ALL, just the ones I can remember. And, Joey, you're excluded from this list since you are a reader. I can be nice sometimes. =)

Let's begin with Nelson. Nelson was my first OFFICIAL boyfriend. Nelson and I had a month long relationship where we saw each other once. That one time was at the Galaxy Mall, where we stood in a darkened hallway making out. Nelson was NOT an attractive boy. Thank god it was a dark hallway. Years later I find out that my beautiful cousin, Zuzel, had a crush on him and never told me. I stole my first boyfriend. Just a little glimpse into my future..

Then, a few years later, came Bobby. Bobby dumped me because his friends hated me. Then, a couple of years and a growth spurt in the chest area later, Bobby decided he wanted me back. I took him back. I dumped him 2 weeks later because my friends hated him. Heh. The things we do in highschool..

Colin! Colin was my favorite ex in highschool, he was certainly the cutest. And, he still is quite the looker, unfortunately. Don't you hate that?? When they dump you and you see them years later you want them to be all kinds of fat and unattractive? No, not Colin. He's still good-looking and extremely successful. How annoying. Anyway, Colin dumped me at my good friend's Sweet 16 party. He was eyeing this skinny blond all night and I got mad and told him to not talk to her. I go to the bathroom and when I come back he's dancing with her!! I was so mad, but was prepared to forgive him and not fight about it and then he dumped me. I know what you're going to ask next and no he didn't end up with the blond.. he just didn't want to be with me. Aww.. I'm not still bitter. I took his picture off the voodoo doll last week. I'm over it.

Ryan should get an honorable mention at this point. He wasn't my boyfriend, but he was the boy who stole my virginity. I lost my virginity to the sounds of "Self Esteem" by the Offspring and then was told not to tell anyone it had happened. And you wonder why I am the way I am?? I should be sitting in a therapists office twice a week crying about how my mother never loved me and Ryan shattered my self-esteem.. oh wait, that's what we spoke about in yesterday's session..

In comes John. John was a guido to the max: tight jeans, black, high-top Reboks and all. VERY Italian boy. John was the beginning of my slut phase, I guess? First of all, he was dating a girl I went to school with when I started seeing him. Secondly, I cheated on the poor guy like 4 times? I'm no longer a slut, I swear!! Well, maybe just a little..

After John I moved to Miami and there have been a few guys here and there, most of which have been given nicknames by Joey and I can't even remember their real names anymore. The following is in no particular order:

DUI (driving under the influence), so nicknamed because he had lost his license and was under house arrest because it had happened so many times. I pick the winners, huh? Well, DUI was quite well-endowed, so that kept me around for some time. Maybe I am a slut? The clincher is the fact that his lack of job/transportation are not the reasons for my dumping him. What broke the deal was his alcoholic mother, who after having met/seen me three times before, walked into the living room one day and said to me , "Who the fuck are you??" Uhh.. buh-bye.

Lex Luthor I think came before DUI? Lex was so named for his bald head and tall/skinny frame. Much like most of my boyfriends. I have a thing for bald and lanky. Anyway, Lex was dumped for his chubby-chaser mentality. I was a tubby bitch at that time and he loved that about me and it annoyed the shit out of me. The deal breaker was the day that we were making out on his bed and he asked me to lay on top of him and put all my weight on him. He was like half my size! I could have killed him! I was a chunky butt, but I didn't want to feel like one!

And last, but certainly not least, is a boy who has neither a nickname or a real name. I can't remember it. He is just referred to as, "the one that died?" This boy was a bit of a drug addict and apparently OD'd in his bathtub and drowned. I wasn't with him at the time, or I wouldn't be so nonchalant about it. I don't even know if it's true?! But, he's the reason I don't date boys with long hair. #1, they tend to be potheads and #2, something about their hair being longer than mine is just girly and unappealing. Every time I begin to mention an ex-boyfriend I get the inevitable, "the one that died?"

I hate to admit that this isn't the end of the loser list. There are MANY more. But, you're bored enough at this point. If you've made it this far you're either THAT bored, that amused or love me that much. Either way, thanks!

Aruba, Jamaica, oooh I wanna take ya..

2006-06-26T10:17:00.000-05:00

frozen drinks with umbrellas
midnight buffets of hotdogs and hambugers
annoying waiters who really aren't as funny as they think
Victoria's Secret undies 3 sizes too small
drunken Karaoke, in a non-Karaoke bar
not one employee that spoke english
frozen drinks with umbrellas
way too much sun
can you make that a double?
way too much walking
kissing fish
i'm sorry, sir, we don't have any chemistry. can you just let me sing?
dirty snails and moose-ball patte for dinner
have i mentioned frozen drinks with umbrellas?
i'm going to the gym
i'm going to the gym
i'm going to the gym
she never went to the gym
clothing 3 sizes too small
2 shots of Jegermeister (did I spell that right?)
8976755644567980 jack daniels
did someone get fingered in the elevator? ew

These are the highlights of my way too short cruise last week. If you care, here are the pics.

Off With Their Heads!!

2006-06-23T10:23:00.000-05:00

I've changed my mind. This post will probably piss most of you off and I apologize for that, but this is ridiculous. I was in support of the Mexican's fight against the new immigration laws in the US because, in reality, this country is made of immigrants. However, in light of recent events, I think that any immigrant in this country that has been here less than 10-15 years needs to be shipped back to their country. Even if that means my recent Cuban family members that jumped off the pick up truck in the middle of the Atlantic need to be shipped back to ration for rice and potatos. I'm sorry!! I'm sorry for saying this, but the harsh reality is that NO ONE can be trusted and I'm sick and tired of reading shit about terrorists planning to attack buildings 20 minutes away from where I live/work. Call me selfish. I am. I don't care. I don't want to be blown up and have little bits of my brain scattered all over 826 (for those of you that aren't Miamians, 826 is a highway). I don't even like 826, I avoid it like the plague. If you're going to scatter my brain somewhere at least blow me up somewhere nice.. like along 395, so I can have an ocean view with boats and mansions.

I don't understand how these extremist religious freaks can justify all the death and carnage they cause in the name of some stupid fucking god?!? If god exists, I seriously doubt that he wants you killing everything he has created. Who do you think you are?? Yes, we're spoiled, selfish, self-absorbed and rude, but you're the assholes spending millions of dollars to buy bombs to kill us!? You can come here and be spoiled, selfish, self-absorbed and rude too!! Why do you need to try to destroy us? Join the party, for christ's sake, don't call the cops on it! Is it jealousy? Are you jealous that our women walk around half naked and give sex away? Are you jealous that we have cars and don't have to get around on smelly camels? Have you seriously tried the Miami-Dade Public Transit System? Trust me, there's no need to be jealous. Instead of focusing all your attention on destroying our lives, maybe you should try to fix your own.

Amen.

Ron Jeremy is sexy!!!

2006-06-14T14:54:00.000-05:00

Ick. Not really.

I know I've disappeared. My apologies. I've just been a little busy lately.

This past weekend was the South Florida Porn Convention. 2 hours and a hundred dollars later, I don't have an autograph on my boob to show for it. I am quite disappointed. I would have loved to have Ron Jeremy feel me up and sign my tit. He's a staple in the porno industry. Chubby, short, sweaty, hairy and unattractive, but a staple nonetheless. Oh, well. I'll have to settle for my very 80s porno VHS that has him on all fours servicing some woman with Farrah Fawcett hair. This doesn't appeal to me in the least, it's for sheer comedic value.

As much as I enjoy a good porn like the next guy, I just don't get it. I don't get why women would do that to themselves? How little do you have to think of yourself to get into that kind of industry? Don't get me wrong, I'm all for porn and prostitution (I think it should be legal), I just simply don't get it. Do they really enjoy it? Is it just a job? And I thought my job sucked.

More and more you hear about porn stars that were abused as children, or raped, and that's why they got into it. That I don't get, either. I hear the psychological profiles of abused women (either they don't want to be touched, or they turn into rampant whores) and I don't get the extremes? You would think if a woman got raped they would just retreat and never want to be touched again.. how is it that the opposite happens? Do they just think they deserve that kind of treatment?

On that note, I have to admit that I'm a little curious about Jenna Jameson's book. Having multiple sexual assaults and a fucked up family life made her have sex for money. Well, ok. Whatever floats your boat.

After all the damage is done and they've taken the prize for the most dick sucked in 2 days then they begin to look back at their lives and regret their decisions. All they want is a wife/husband, kids and a white picket fence. Well, isn't that sweet? So, you want to meet some man in the dry cleaners who won't mind bringing you home to meet mom & dad and tell them that you were once the girl who sucked the largest amount of penises in the US? And they are just supposed to accept that without any judgement? Who are you kidding? A few years ago Ron Jeremy did this sappy movie about himself where he boo-hooed the fact that all he wanted was a wife and family and couldn't find anyone outside the porn industry to date him. Well, hello?? Can you really blame them? Other than being deathly afraid of the size of your member, you've also had sex with half the world!! Who wants to be number 5676898955456?

Obsession, infatuation, codependence!! Oh my!

2006-06-02T15:36:00.000-05:00

ob·ses·sion n.
1. Compulsive preoccupation with a fixed idea or an unwanted feeling or emotion, often accompanied by symptoms of anxiety.
2. A compulsive, often unreasonable idea or emotion.

in·fat·u·a·tion n.
1. A foolish, unreasoning, or extravagant passion or attraction.
2. An object of extravagant, short-lived passion.

co-de·pen·dent adj.
1. Mutually dependent.
2. Of or relating to a relationship in which one person is psychologically dependent in an unhealthy way on someone who is addicted to a drug or self-destructive behavior, such as chronic gambling.

Obsession. That's such a passionate-sounding word. Obsession. Is one that is obsessed with something/someone aware of it? I guess not. If you know you're obsessed then you do your damnest to stop these feelings.

Infatuation. Foolish, unreasoning, and short-lived. How short is short?

Doesn't codependence have a little of both? When you're codependent you have an obsessive need for another person, be it foolish or unreasoning. Short-lived would definitely not be the case. A codependent person feels compelled to be in a relationship, regardless of it's dangers or their unhappiness. A fear of being alone. Isn't everyone afraid to be alone, though? Well, "afraid" is a strong word. No one really wants to be alone, but I don't think it's fear. I think most people want to grow old with someone else. Is this codependence, or are we all just bred to need someone else?

I have a friend. Yes, just one. I have a friend who I believe is codependent. She hasn't had MANY relationships in her life, but each one is more destructive than the last. There hasn't been any physical abuse, that I know of, but there's a lot of mental abuse, manipulation and she's taken advantage of. Everytime she gets into the relationship she finds some kind of connection to the person to not allow her to let them go later on. They work together, they have mutual aquaintances, whatever.. there has to be something to hold her there. Then, when she becomes unhappy, and inevitably she does, it's impossible for her to let go. She starts to feel guilty for having these feelings and begins to think, "if I leave him then I won't have such and such anymore..." She's unhappy and doesn't like being with the person, but she stays. She always stays.

I always worry that what I'm feeling about another person isn't really love, but codependence. I had a boyfriend in highschool who I was with for about 2 years (I think). Two years is an eternity when you're 16. I liked him. I don't know if I was "in love" with him. I cheated on the poor boy 4 times. He found out about one of them (now he knows about all of them, but that's another story) and tried to dump me. I say "try" because I went ape shit! He came to my house to break up with me (I remember this vividly) and I had just woken up in undies and a t-shirt. He gave me back some stuff I had given him and walked to his car. I chased him out to his car in undies and a t-shirt!! I cried and cried and cried. He took me back 2 days later. My question is, why did I get so upset?? Obviously I never loved the boy. In fact, there were things about him I downright hated. So, why the obsession? Why the need to be with him? Or, was it a need to be with someone? Here we are 10 years later and I still think about it. I try to be very concious of my feelings, happiness and unhappiness in relationships, because I don't want to make the same mistake.

I don't think I am codependent, but I still think about it. If anything, this situation may have made me too much the opposite? I'm quick to let people out of my life without giving them a second thought. That can't be good either.

Why are you such a megabitch?

2006-06-01T21:01:00.000-05:00

I've neglected my blog because, as Ana put it, I have nothing to bitch about at the moment. So, I'm copying hers.

I AM happy, sad and impatient all at the same time. Why can't I control everything?

I WANT to be healthy, happy and loved.

I WISH I didn't take things so seriously all the time. I need to just not care.

I WONDER where I'll be in 5 years? I can't even think about what I need to do next week, let alone that far in the future. I was never one of those people that day dreams about their future.

I REGRET nothing. Life is too short to regret your decisions. Some of them may have sucked, but they made me the person I am today.. for better or worse.

I AM NOT a girly-girl. I live in jeans and sneakers, I RARELY wear a dress. If you see me in a skirt I am probably working.

I DANCE and sing in the mirror to Shakira. I like to pretend I know how to belly dance and know how to shake my ass. I may be living proof that not all hispanics can dance.

I AM NOT ALWAYS right. I think I am, so I need to repeat this phrase to myself from time to time.

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS anything from corny scrapbooks, to beaded jewelry to not-so-great paintings. I'm an art geek.

I WRITE to have an outlet for venting my annoyance/anger. Although, the reality is that this blog is somewhat censored. I am not 100% honest about myself or my life.

I CONFUSE the shit out of most people. Mostly because I'm weird.

I NEED a pint of Ben & Jerry's Phish Food. Life sucks right now, so sugar is a comfort. Thank god I don't have any.

I SHOULD be reading my Public Relations textbook. I have a project due on Monday and 4 chapters left to read. Nothing like procrastination...

I START to cry if a commercial is sappy enough. I'm really emotional like that. What a dork.

I FINISH nothing I start. I get bored and give up until months/years later.

I TAG no one.

How sweet it is to be loved by you...

2006-05-26T08:10:00.000-05:00

YUM!

touilmnu

What is in a man?

2006-05-25T10:55:00.000-05:00

I feel like being self-centered today. I'm going to tell you about my idea for the perfect man. But, I'm not necessarily talking about physical aspects. Although, let's be honest, that is important. This is more personality traits.

1. First and foremost should be honesty, right? I have to have an honest man. Who doesn't? Who wants a liar? HOWEVER, there's a limit to the amount of honesty I require. I don't want you lying to me about where you've been/are going, but when I ask you if that 5'10" beanpole with huge tits walking down the street is prettier than me LIE YOUR ASS OFF. In this case I don't need the truth. Just make me feel better.

2. Patience is a virtue and definitely when you're dealing with me. I can be loud, emotional, dramatic, angry, and whiney, among many other things. HOWEVER, there is a good side, you just have to look for it, I guess?

3. It's the little things that count. When you send me flowers on Valentine's Day or my birthday that's awesome. But, it's that random "thinking of you" card that I get in the mail, for no reason at all, that is really sweet.

4. Got brains? You better. I cannot deal with stupidity. I need to be able to have an intelligent conversation with you and it must not ALWAYS revolve around sex. Yes, sex is awesome, but you have to be able to talk about something other than my "dick sucking lips" and large boobs.

5. Gay friendly? Better be. I cannot deal with homophobic men, either. There is a good chance that my first child (if I have one) will be a flaming queer (or a ghetto-thug), so you better be prepared to handle it. I'm a fag hag x 20000, so you better believe that uncle armando and auntie eric will be part of my life for a long time.

6. Lastly, a LITTLE bit of macho isn't too bad. You can be into sports, fixing cars, and mowing lawns. That's kinda hot. You also need to get A LITTLE jealous about stuff. I don't want you to go overboard and want to beat the shit out of every guy I look at, but some jealousy is kinda hot.

All this wrapped up with someone that looks like Chris Malone, with a stable job, decent car and home and you got yourself a deal. I'm not that picky, am I??

Is it the beginning or is it the end?

2006-05-22T19:39:00.000-05:00

I have a problem with starting projects and never finishing them. I'm a guy like that. I always want to get my hands into everything at once, but never follow anything to the end. I'm a big craft geek. Right now I'm working on some paintings for my mom that I wanted to have done for her on Mother's Day. Yea, that didn't happen. I'm also in the middle of working on my scrapbook for my vacation last year and I have yet to start the one for my San Fran trip this year. I'm in the process of reading 3 books, and I also go to school full-time and work full-time. I'm also trying to make time to go to the gym at least 5 times a week. Where is the time? Where is the time to finish the things I want to do? I have no time for myself and that frustrates me. This is such a cliche, but there need to be more hours in a day. Or maybe I just need to manage my time better? Obviously, my priorities should be work and school (not necessarily in that order), but I don't want them to be!! My priorities should be what I WANT, not what I HAVE to do. Who says I HAVE to do them?? I do. I have to do them to have a good, stable job where I can make decent money and slack off. In order to get both I need a degree. I don't want to be a supervisor or director of anything. I just want to be a tiny, little sliver of a very large, sometimes well-oiled-machine. I want to work to live, not live to work.

Who decided what the life cycle would be like, anyway? You spend your youth, or should I say waste your youth, trying to get older quickly. Little do we realize what awaits us at the other end: work, overtime, sucky salaries, mortgage payments, children, ball-n-chain(s) (again, not necessarily in that order). Why doesn't life start out really hard, then get easier as we go along? We should be born all-knowing and quickly shoved into the working world, then as we age we get dumber and more senile. They do say ignorance is bliss, after all. At this point we've worked hard for 60+ years, so now someone just takes care of us as we go backwards in time and enjoy our lives and lack of responsibility. I guess one could consider retirement in this way.. you go into a retirement home and people take care of you, but somehow it's different. At least when you're young you have the energy to be able to do what you want. When you're REALLY old and senile, you just sit around staring at your toes and drooling. We should be able to enjoy the end of our lives, otherwise, what's the point of living?

You're born and grow up too quickly, but have no responsibilities and all the energy in the world. You go to school, you learn, you get older. You finish school, you have to get a job and pay bills, you no longer have the energy you used to. 60 years later you're completely exhausted and just need a looooong break. Then, you worry about money and where it's coming from, cause lord knows you're not gonna make shit off of your social security checks. You're too old to really enjoy your grandkids and you no longer travel because airplanes give you heartburn and gas. So, you spend the last few years of life sitting in a rocking chair saying things like, "When I was your age I was hip!! I used to rock out at Jimmy Buffet concerts!! Your grandma sure knew how to party! Oh, be a dear and fetch grandpa his dentures, I think he left them on the porch, again!!"

So, again I ask, what's the point of living if you're not going to enjoy the end?

What exactly is in the special sauce?

2006-05-21T20:55:00.000-05:00

"I guess we should feel some sort of guilt, but she broke the cardinal rule; NEVER FUCK WITH PEOPLE WHO HANDLE YOUR FOOD."

For anyone who has ever been rude or obnoxious to a waitor/waitress I have one recommendation for you: "Waiting." This movie will cure you of any feelings you may have that your waitstaff is 'beneath' you. I don't understand what possesses people to be mean to the people handeling their food??

I've heard several stories from people in the food service industry and I've been friends with enough waiters to know it's all true. I had an ex that worked at a pizza joint who admitted to jerking off in the pizzas before they went in the oven for those special customers. I've also known a few ice cream scoopers who would do really gross stuff, too. Personally, I could never work in the food service industry. Actually, I don't think I could be in any kind of customer service industry. People suck and they deserve everything they get. Who are you to be that demeaning to someone?

What about tipping? I'm an avid tipper. Unless the service is ABSOLUTELY HORRENDOUS they will get 20%. If the service was that bad then they'll only get 10%. I've worked for tips before, I know how much it sucks. People don't realize that waitors/waitresses only make $2.50/hour at most, so they depend on tips. Luckily, I was making a better salary than that, so the tips weren't everything I had to depend on. I also didn't have to share my tips with anyone. Waitstaff also have to share with busers, although most of the time they lie and screw them.

Moral of the story: if you are one of those obnoxious people, or a really bad tipper, rent "Waiting." You NEED to see it.

Here we are now. Entertain us.

2006-05-19T08:23:00.000-05:00

What's with singer/songwriters/bands getting all political these days? I don't care what your political views are, just sing about love, heartache, or how your ex ran over your dog with your pickup truck. I don't need to hear you spew shit about homosexual rights, the troops being off to war, or anything else. I have my own opinions, you don't have to inundate me with yours in an attempt to sway my opinion. You talk about the presidency and evil political actors brainwashing people, but what do you think you're doing?? And all set to catchy tunes, no less. That makes it even better.

Tonight, on a very special episode of Pessimist Reality...

2006-05-15T15:08:00.000-05:00

There's this guy that works in my building. His name is Tom. Tom is REALLY nice. He's very friendly and chatty, and he's not too shabby looking, either. Tom walks a little weird, though. He walks like there's something wrong with his hip, spine, or leg. Maybe it's neurological? Maybe he was born this way? Maybe it's a birth defect? I'm afraid to ask him what it is. Either way, whenever I see Tom I want to cry. This could be me in 5 or 10 years and that depresses me.

What I think about is, how shallow am I? If Tom asked me out, would I date someone like this? What if it was me? Would people still want to date me? Can you look past something like this? Fuck. As I write this my eyes are tearing up. What if you date a person, who at first is normal.. then something tragic happens? They are in a horrible car accident, they get some neurological disease, whatever. Now what? Do you dump them? Do you stay with them out of pity? What if you truly love this person? Is your love enough to overcome this? Will you wheel them down the aisle?

What if it was me.. would I rather walk around like this, or just use a wheelchair, even if I don't REALLY need one? Am I that concerned about appearances? I'm afraid I am. I don't know if I could handle the looks of pity, or people being nice to me just because they feel sorry for me. Even if they aren't thinking that, I would imagine that they were. Could I just get over it? I don't know that I could..

I know this is a depressing topic, my apologies. On to more angry things next post.

Awwww

2006-05-11T20:20:00.000-05:00

It's just cute! Don't read into it.

Let's Get Something Straight...

2006-05-10T20:03:00.000-05:00

The Supermarket Express Lane is 10 items or less. That means if you're buying 15 bottles of iced tea, and they're all separate, that is 15 separate items!!! They don't count as one just because they're all the same. If it doesn't have eco-unfriendly plastic wrap around it, then they are separate items, damnit!!

"I see," said the blind woman.

2006-05-10T09:22:00.000-05:00

Why are some women so blind? Maybe I'm one of them and I don't even know it. You see your man isn't acting normal, he's being shadey, whatever.. and still you don't want to see the truth. Is it better to look the other way, than to be alone? Do you really want to live with that kind of disrespect?

I don't think I'll ever be one of those women. If I get even a tiny inkling that I'm being disrespected, I will tail your ass. If we're married, I will pay someone to follow you. And, I will get a good one that isn't all obvious. You won't know they're there. Although, in reality, cheating has no bearing in divorce proceedings in the state of Florida (it being a 'no-fault' state and all), but I'd still want to know. I may even have you videotaped, or photographed and post them everywhere I know you'll go. Send them to every family member and friend you have. The truth will set me free.

Recently, I've heard of 2 cases of cheating boyfriends. Both women were stupid, in my opinion. Woman #1 paid a private detective $5,000 to go on a cruise that her boyfriend was on. He caught him with two other women and took pictures. My problem with this is, first of all, it's a BOYFRIEND. It's not a husband, or fiance, it's a BOYFRIEND. Why waste your money? My second problem with this is, why is he going on a cruise without you?? Isn't this in itself a HUGE sign that there's something wrong?? And, it was a Spring Break cruise, to top it all off. Hello?! What did you really expect to happen??

Girl #2 has caught her boyfriend sending inappropriate emails to other girls, which he discarded and had excuses for. She bought them. She moves to another state (he doesn't) for a new job and they stay together. Granted, it's only about a 3 hour drive, but that's far enough! He cheated on her with a few girls and she caught him, again, by email. And, the first time wasn't a HUGE indication? Although, I suppose in this case I shouldn't talk.. I've caught a boyfriend sending inappropriate emails and didn't dump him. Maybe I am blind, after all.

Fat, fatty, fat-fat!!

2006-05-03T09:33:00.000-05:00

We're fat. The obesity problem in this country is out of hand. With Starbucks, McDonalds and Wendy's in every corner of every city, everyone wants a fast fix. In a new agreement by several beverage companies throughout the US, our schools will no longer be stocking soda in their vending machines. Soda will be replaced by no-sugar juices, low-fat milks, flavored waters and diet sodas.

I am no hypocrite! I'm a fatty. I try to eat as well as possible, but admit that it's difficult when one has no time, or when that bbq-mushroom burger just sounds too good to pass up. You need to splurge every now and then, whether or not it's good for you. You need to enjoy life and there's nothing better than a big Ben & Jerry's sundae every once in a while. ONCE IN A WHILE. Those are the key words here, folks. This new agreement with schools and beverage companies is a nice start in trying to curb an ever-growing epidemic, but it cannot be stopped here.

Problem #1: if our children are so addicted to soda, they are just going to replace the sugared soda with diet sodas. Who said diet sodas are good for you?? Who says that all that fake sugar is good for you? Aren't there studies that say artificial sweeteners cause colon cancer, or uncontrollable bowl movements, in lab rats? We're just trading in one evil for another. Hey, kids! You may have to wear depends by the time you're 20, but at least you'll be thin!! Hurray!

Problem #2: there are now no more high-sugared sodas, but what about cafeteria food? Is the fried chicken fingers, frozen pizza, or greasy cheeseburgers not also attributing to America's fatness problem? Maybe when cafeterias start serving brown rice with vegetables, or whole wheat breads, then this will help. Until then, I'll have a double cheeseburger with bacon, fries and a diet coke, please. Can we say POINTLESS??

Problem #3: where are the parents in all this? Children will do what they want, regardless of what parents think/say, but if you're training your puppy from a young age on what to eat and what is bad for you then maybe, just maybe, they'll listen! "Little Herman, Jr... do you want to be a big, fat cow when you grow up and never get laid?? No, I didn't think so. Then, step away from the pepperoni pizza before you get hurt."

I'll get off my soapbox, now.

It's a day of mourning...

2006-05-02T12:43:00.000-05:00

Today is a sad, sad day.. today will be my last blog on Miami's tax money. There is a new computer system being implimented in our department and this will be able to track every move we make. The man is watching. I can't afford to lose my job over my blog. Although, I doubt anyone will really check unless they have it in for you for other reasons, but still.. I don't want to give them any excuses. So, no more blogging from work!! You'll have to wait for me to get home. Sad, I know.

You'll Have Time

2006-05-01T14:23:00.000-05:00

You'll Have Time
by William Shatner

Live life
Live life like you're gonna die
Because you're gonna
I hate to be the bearer of bad news
But you're gonna die

Maybe not today or even next year
But before you know it you'll be saying
Is this all there was?
What was all the fuss?
Why did I bother?

Now, maybe you won't suffer maybe it's quick
But you'll have time to think
Why did I waste it?
Why didn't I taste it?
You'll have time
Because you're gonna die.

Yes it's gonna happen because it's happened to a lot of people I know
My mother, my father, my loves
The president, the kings and the pope
They all had hope

And they muttered just before they went
Maybe, I won't let go
Live life like you're gonna die
Because you are

Maybe you won't suffer maybe it's quick
But you'll have time to think
Why did I waste it?
Why didn't I taste it?
You'll have time
'Cause you're gonna die

I tell you who else left us
Passed on down to heaven no longer with us
Johnny Cash, JFK, that guy in the Stones
Lou Gehrig, Einstein, and Joey Ramone
Have I convinced you?
Do you read my lips?
This may come as news but it's time
You're gonna die
You're gonna die

By the time you hear this I may well be dead
And you my friend might be next
'Cause we're all gonna die

Yeah, oh maybe you won't suffer and maybe it's quick
But you'll have time to think
Why did I waste it?
Why didn't I taste it?
You'll have time
You'll have time cause you're gonna die
Yes, you're gonna die
You're gonna die, I tell you
You're gonna die
You are gonna die

'Cause maybe you won't suffer maybe it's quick
But you have time to think
Why did I waste it?
Why didn't I taste it?
You'll have time 'cause you're gonna die

Live Life
Life life like you're gonna die
Because you're going to
Oh yes
I hate to be the beater of bad news
But you're gonna die

Maybe not today or even next year
But before you know it you'll be saying
Is this all there was?
What was all the fuss?
Why did I bother?
Why did I waste it?
Why didn't I taste it?
You'll have time, baby
You'll have time
'Cause you're gonna die
You are gonna die
Oh yeah

Anger Management 101

2006-04-29T08:38:00.000-05:00

Life is too short to be so angry and annoyed all the time. All of you know, ad nauseam, that I have issues when it comes to my place of employment. Yesterday some stuff really got to me, and that got to me. I hate that I am so angry about stuff. I hate that I can't seem to just let things go. Life is short. I want to enjoy what little I may have left (morbid, I know, but no one knows when they'll die!!) with my friends/family and not worry and obsess so much over stupidity. A perfect example of this is my tourett's-syndrome driving. Have any of you ever been on the phone when I drive? Or, even in the car with me?? I'm quite angry and may sound like I have tourett's syndrome, cuz the curses just roll off my tongue CONSTANTLY. It doesn't help that people around here can't drive, but why can't I just let it go? It's not worth the aggravation.

In an attempt to curb my stress/anger issues, I spent my Friday night in the self-help aisle of Barnes N Noble. Sad, I know. I bought 2 books to read in the next week (before school starts, again): "Stress Management" and "The Disease To Please." The second book is to help with my "yes" girl attitude. I want to be selfish and not do things to please other people all the time. I have a hard time saying no. Which, if you think about it, makes no sense? I'm angry, annoyed, stressed and I can't say no. How does that work? I'm a walking contradiction.

I haven't started my books, yet. I'm about to go to Starbucks for a comfy couch, a non-fat latte and a sugar-filled cupcake. I know, more contradiction. Don't try to analyze me. You'll get a headache.

Wish me luck.

Things you should have learned as a child...

2006-04-27T13:50:00.000-05:00

It's "Bring Your Nosepickers To Work" day!! The sound of children's laughter fills the air and I feel like throwing up.

Are there things that you should have learned as a child, but never did? Like, you still can't seem to share your toys? I was a spoiled/sheltered brat as a child. I shopped at Bloomingdales and ordered ice cream sundaes to be delivered to me by a little asian man on a bike in the middle of December (I'm from NJ, remember?).

I can't ride a bike. The first thing that comes to mind on this topic is the fact that I cannot ride a bike. I just never learned. I was put on training wheels and never got off of them. I think it was mostly a paranoia of falling, because the one phrase I can clearly remember from my family as a child was, "Cuidado, te vas a caer!" (For the gringos: "Be careful, you'll fall!")

I can't cook. Well, I try to cook, but I'm not that good at it. I'm the queen of the recipe, though. I can follow directions, and measure 1/4 teaspoons, like nobody's business!! Coming from a Sicilian/Cuban family, you'd think I would have learned to make something! Rice and beans, tomato sauce.. something! But, alas, I cannot cook. I'm a hell of an eater, though!! I can make a mean bowl of cereal without a recipe, too!!

Good study habits!! I'm the worlds biggest procrastinator. I will take an internet class, do NO work for 2 months, then read 15 chapters the week before the final. Luckily, I have pretty good short-term memory, or I'd be screwed. I always yell at myself at 3am the night before the test, but I continue to do the same thing. Don't ask me what I learned in Administrative Law this semester.. that final was last week, so it's all gone by now.

Sex. I don't think my mom ever had a 'birds & bees' talk with me. I still wait for the stork to drop off my baby on my doorstep.. or, do I have to married first? We just never discussed the topic AT ALL. Maybe if we had spoken about sex I wouldn't have been such a hoochie in high school?? Maybe not..

Shaving. For some reason my mother hadn't mentioned anything about shaving my legs to me until I finally asked her about it.. in like 8th grade. Little did I realize that everyone was making fun of me and my hairy legs all through middle school. As if the coke-bottle glasses and larger-than-life lips weren't enough to get me called names, but then I was hairy, too. Damn you, mother.

Stupid Girls

2006-04-26T09:09:00.000-05:00

I'm reading this book, "Female chauvinist Pig" by Ariel Levy. It's about the rise of female "raunch culture" and, in a way, the de-moralization of society today. With DVDs like "Girls Gone Wild" and the rise of the pornography industry, are women really feeling 'liberated' by being able to enjoy/pursue these endeavors, or is this just another ploy to impress the men and turn them on? Is it really liberating to you to be showing butt-cleavage and have your tits hanging out of your shirt? To go wild in (female) strip clubs? To flash your tits, ass, or worse yet, masturbate on camera just for a t-shirt or hat? That's pretty pathetic, if you ask me. If you're going to videotape me going to town, (a) it's either for private home use, or (b) you better be payin' me some serious money. That's tantamount to being in a porno! Only, they get a little more than a GGW hat to sport.

Is it really 'liberation' that women feel, or is it that the morals in our society have gotten so low that all the sex and raunch is second nature and not a shock, anymore? Back in the day porno was taboo, strip clubs were taboo, and nowadays there are porn stars in MTV music videos, there are stripper aerobics classes offered at your local gym (which I've taken and I must say is pretty cool), and Jenny McCarthy is writing books on child-rearing. Have men somehow tricked us into thinking that this is women's lib and feminism at its core, for their own amusement?? That's some pretty cool 'women's lib' when you can learn to be a stripper for your man! You, too, can get a lapdance for $20, while your man watches! Wow.. you're such a feminist. Our sisters of the bra-burning era would be so proud to see you strut your stuff in a mini-skirt that shows off the bottom of your ass-cheeks. You go, girl! That's showing them! Oh, wait.. you mean the men like it? Well, how about you walk around with your belly exposed and a cute little butterfly navel ring? That will surely show them!! Oh, wait.. you mean they like that, too?? Well, fuck.

How about we stop shaving?? Grow your armpit hairs so long that you can braid them!! Let's bring back the 70s afro-bush! Well, that one may be my own personal laziness talking, but you know what I mean. You pretend empowerment in being able to wear what you want, but there's a hidden agenda. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a man-bashing, feminist. I like the penis as much as the next girl, but must we give it up/show it off so easily? What ever happened to leaving something to the imagination? Whether it be the clothes you wear, or admitting that you like watching Jezebelle Bond on a daily basis? I admit, I'm guilty of being a stupid girl, too. My question is, why? Why do we do it?

Can I hear your heartbeat?

2006-04-21T19:44:00.000-05:00

This is for no one.. I just thought it was cute!!

You ain't representin'!!! You ain't keepin' it reeeal!!

2006-04-19T09:35:00.000-05:00

So, I went to Sunset Senior High School this morning. I had some work-related things to do there, I wouldn't just voluntarily show up at a high school for no reason. As I walk through the entrance and see all the kids milling out of school buses and mommy's BMW I am thinking one thing: Thank god I'm not in high school, anymore.

First of all, when did these kids get so 'adult?' High school kids don't look like high school kids, anymore. They're like mini-adults with short skirts, too much makeup and Prada purses. For this reason alone, I'm glad I went to an all-girl, private school. No Prada, no Guess, just pleated, plaid skirts and knee-socks. You need to be worrying about your education, not what season D&G sunglasses Michelle is wearing today. Fuck, did I just say all that?? I'm old.

Secondly, more than ever today I realize I have no tolerance for 'fake ghetto.' Sunset isn't a RICH area, but it's not the ghetto. There are nice houses and cars all around. So, where do these 'ghetto' kids come from?? Are the streets of Sunset like growing up in the streets of Compton?? Do you have to pack a 9 in your Scooby-Doo lunchbox to go to school because you fear for your life? No, I don't think so. Mommy drops you off in her nice Lexus, while your ass-crack showin', sideways cap wearin', $300 Nike stylin', fake-ghetto ass does that corny walk down the halls like one of your legs was shot. Pull ya fucking pants up, straighten out your damn hat, and stop walking like my dog did after a car ran over it's paw. You're not in the ghetto and you're not fooling anyone, punk.

I love...

2006-04-14T08:33:00.000-05:00

"Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens.. Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens.. Brown paper packages tied up with strings.. These are a few of my favorite things.."

I love rain & thunder, especially when I'm at home, in my pj's, feeling all kinds of lazy.

I love the feeling I get when I finish cleaning my apartment and it looks all pretty, shiny and yummy-smelling. I don't like the actual process, though.

I love really scruffy and scrappy puppies. The ones that have long, messy hair. But, I'm allergic to them, so don't buy me one.

I love work. Bizarre, yes. I love being at work and feeling like I've accomplished something good, instead of surfing the net and writing blogs.

I love hanging out with my corny family. As much as I bitch about having to attend family functions, I like sitting there talking trash about other family members and their spouses.

I love the way you look, freshly showered, with my towel around your waist.

I love having to pack for a vacation!! I also like having to pack to come back home.. after a few days I start to get home sick and wanting my silly life back.

I love cooking a really good meal that people actually like. Please, compliment me! Unless I burn the French Toast, which is never good.

I love eyes. What's that saying? Eyes are the windows to your soul? Very true.

I love Michael Rosenbaum. Ok, that doesn't really go with this post, but I do love him!!

I love sitting around with my friends, playing board games. Bars and clubs are cool on occasion, but I'd rather sit around and chat.

I love crafts! I never have time for it, but I love to make stuff. I like being a big geek.

I love reading other people's blogs. Everyone else's life always seems so much more interesting than mine.

I love being alone. Sometimes I just love sitting home on a Friday night, doing laundry and watching "Conviction." Does that make me a loser?

Lastly, I love Color Me Badd. And, Chicago. Sad, I know. Someone shoot me. If the one above this doesn't make me a loser this one definitely will.

PS: I don't love "The Sound of Music," the song just seemed appropriate.

Questionaires galore.. oh my!

2006-04-12T08:42:00.000-05:00

So, I normally hate these things, but I found this on a myspace post and I'm bored. I don't like when people answer these things, then repost them for the world to see on myspace. It's corny. =)

Since some of these questions have to do with the "Top 8," here they are:
Zuzel
Armando
Joey
Ana
Jose
Eric
Vickie
Amanda

1. WOULD YOU GET BACK WITH YOUR EX IF YOU COULD?
Which one? I have a few. But, no. Not at the moment.

2. WHAT KIND OF SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Striped, button-down shirt. I'm at work.

3. HAVE YOU MADE OUT WITH ANYONE ON YOUR FRIEND'S LIST?
Yes. I also lived with him for 2 years.

4. DO YOU HAVE "A THING" FOR ANYONE ON YOUR TOP 8?
Zuzel.. she's hot. She's into the incest, too.

5. HOW MANY PEOPLE ON YOUR LIST DO YOU KNOW IN REAL LIFE?
All of them.

6. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT TO HAVE?
At the moment, none. I don't know what the future will bring.

7. DO YOU HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH BOTH YOUR PARENTS?
No. I love my mommy. I dislike my daddy. In fact, I haven't spoken to him in months..

8. DO YOU MAKE OVER 40K A YEAR?
Yes. What a shallow question.

9. WHAT NAME WOULD YOU WANT TO HAVE BESIDES THE ONE YOU HAVE?
Natalie. I notice that most Natalie's are hot. I wanna be hot.

10. WOULD YOU EVER MAKE OUT WITH SOMEONE OF THE SAME SEX?
Of course. I think I have? =)

11. WHAT IS YOUR MOTHER'S NAME?
Gisela

12. WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOUR LAST BDAY?
Nothing, actually. I may have gone to dinner, or something? I don't even remember? Birthday's become a haze after you pass 22.. I do remember getting a really sweet card from someone, though.

13. WHAT'S YOUR MAIN RINGTONE ON YOUR PHONE?
The Cure - Just Like Heaven

14. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP?
6:45am I was late to work, as usual

15.WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT MIDNIGHT TWO NIGHTS AGO?
Sleeping REALLY well.. hehe

16. HOW MANY EX'S ARE ON YOUR FRIENDS LIST?
Just one

17. DO YOU LIKE HAVING YOUR HAIR PULLED?
Oh yea..

18. NAME SOMETHING YOU CAN'T WAIT TO DO.
FINISH SCHOOL!!

19. LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MOM?
Sunday

20. DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR SIBLINGS?
No. I don't have any.

21. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WISH YOU COULD CHANGE ABOUT YOURSELF?
Umm.. the fact that I have MS!

22. IF YOU HAD $250,000...HOW WOULD YOU SPEND IT?
I would pay off all my debt (school, medical, car) and with whatever is leftover I'd buy a condo. As much as I'd love to pack up and leave this hell, I just can't..

23. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN AT YOUR CURRENT JOB?
4 years this summer

24. LAST PERSON YOU CALLED?
Danny

25. LAST THING YOU ATE?
A small coffee and blueberry muffin from Dunkin Donuts

26. WHATS YOUR FAVORITE MONTH?
December

27. YOUR LEAST FAVORITE MONTH?
March

28. IF YOU COULD BE ANYWHERE AT THE MOMENT, WHERE WOULD YOU BE?
Greece. I've always wanted to go there.

29. WHAT'S THE LAST PIECE OF CLOTHING YOU BORROWED FROM ANYONE?
Dirty underwear from Joey.. nah, probably a sweatshirt from my mommy.

30. WHO IS GETTING ON YOUR NERVES RIGHT NOW?
I'd answer that, but it may make one of my 5 fans upset.

31. MOST VISITED WEBPAGE?
Yahoo, to check my email

32. LAST PERSON YOU TEXT MESSAGED?
Danny.. christ, I talk to him a lot.

33. LAST PERSON THAT MADE YOU SAD?
Martin, cuz he thinks I'm a pleasantly plump, chunky butt, tubby bitch. Well, bite me.

34. WOULD YOU TAKE A BULLET FOR YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Who would say no to this question??

35. FAVORITE TYPE OF DRINK?
Alcoholic? I'm not much of a drinker, but I like a good Mojito every once in a while.

36. FAVORITE FOOD?
Pasta! Italian at heart, baby.

37. FAVORITE DESSERT?
My pumpkin cheesecake

38. HAVE YOU BEEN TO EUROPE?
Just Italy, all over it.

39. IF SOMEONE YOU HATED DIED, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
Wow.. that's a hard question to answer without sounding callous.. I probably just wouldn't react.

40. DO YOU OWN A CAMERA PHONE?
Yes. Aren't they all camera phones these days?

Bathroom Rules

2006-04-07T14:15:00.000-05:00

Baby Jo-Jo says there are rules for male restrooms. Like, when you're the only one in the bathroom and there are three urinals, you must take one at an extreme end, not the middle one. That way, when someone else comes in, they don't have to stand next to you to pee. Makes sense.

There are also rules for women's restrooms. They are as follows:

1. If there is only one other person in the bathroom and 5 stalls, don't chose the one right next to her. What is the need? If she's taking a shit, do you really want a first hand sniff?

2. Make sure the toilet actually flushed completely BEFORE leaving the stall. No, this isn't your house, but when you go into the next public restroom stall, would you like to see a floater? I didn't think so. It's not a difficult task, just flush and look.

3. This next one works well for males or females, too: plop and flush, please!! Chances are if you plop and flush immediately not only will we (a) not hear the sound of your turd hitting the water, but (b) not smell much of it, either. So, don't forget to flush before those kiddies even hit the water!!

4. Wipe up your piss. This is also quite simple, ladies. I get that public restrooms are gross and you don't want to touch your precious ass to the toilet seat in fear of contracting salmonella poisoning or something but, if you urinate all over the fucking seat, please clean up after yourself. You have to wash your dainty hands after you wipe your ass, anyway, so just clean up your own piss.

5. Feminine hygiene products. If you don't have the happy little wrapper that your pad came with, must you just throw your bloody mess into the garbage can, as is? Can you not wrap it up in toilet paper, first? Much more hygienic for the poor bathroom cleaner. Who wants to look at your used pad?

All this being said, women are beautiful creatures. Soft, sweet, sometimes curvy.. but, women are also the most disgusting creatures on the planet. Just because it's not your house, doesn't mean you should trash it for the next victim.

Why Do You Love Me?

2006-04-07T07:22:00.000-05:00

I´m no barbie doll
I´m not your baby girl
so I´ve done ugly things and I have made mistakes
and I am not as pretty as those girls in magazines
I am rotten to my core if they´re to be believed
so what if I´m no baby bird hanging upon your every word?
nothing ever smells of roses that rises out of mud

Oops!

2006-04-06T10:18:00.000-05:00

It has just occurred to me that I write a lot about religion and homosexuality. My apologies. But, it's my blog, so I can write whatever I feel like writing!!! =p

Losing My Religion

2006-04-06T08:49:00.000-05:00

So, I'm having dinner last night with my mother, her boyfriend, his daughter (40s), granddaughter (14) and a friend (14). Before dinner the "adults" are sitting around chatting and somehow the topic of religion comes up. Mom's boyfriend (Jack) asks me what religion I am. Atheist. Then, my mother goes off saying I don't know what I am and I was sent to 12 years of Catholic school to come out confused. Excuse me?? You mean to tell me that just because I don't think the way you do that makes me confused, or not know what I'm talking about? My mother goes to church on weddings and funerals. That's it. Well, at least I'm not a hypocritical Catholic?!

This is the problem I have with organized religion, or jesus-freaks: the thought that your way is the only way. It's not. There are a lot of different beliefs in the world, and there is no one to say with certainty that YOUR belief is the one and only "right" one. Most people in this world, I think, are Christian or Catholic. Most people in this world are also hypocritically Christian/Catholic. They believe in the thought of "god," but don't actually practice the religion. They never go to church, they sin all the time, and I seriously doubt any confessions come out of it. But, the second I tell you I don't believe in god, hell has frozen over and you look at me with a look of horror. Why? Why is it so terrible for me not to believe in anything? At least it's honest. I didn't say I was a Manson follower, or a Satanist (which I don't think is that terrible of a "religion," but that's another topic altogether), so why the face? Isn't it better for me not to believe in anything, then believe in something you find reprehensible? Or, is my belief in nothing that reprehensible?

I went through a stage in HS where I was Wiccan. Now, 10 years later, I can admit it was just a stage and I did it purely to be "cool." However, knowing what I know about the Wiccan religion, it's fairly straightforward and a happy medium in this world of extreme. They believe in nature and doing things in balance, not hurting anyone on purpose, etc. That seems pretty cool to me. But, according to the world, Wicca isn't a religion. In fact, from my place of employment, our internet access is restricted. No porn sites, dating sites, nothing sex-related. Religion, isn't included on this list. I can look up any church website, or Baptist websites, write blogs, whatever.. What I cannot look up is Wiccan-related websites. Apparently, Wicca is considered an "alternative religion," and we're not allowed to believe in anything that teaches nature and balance.

I'm now an Atheist, mostly because I don't practice in anything specific, nor do I believe in anything specific. In all honesty, I don't know if there is a "god" or higher power up there. I don't know what happens to us when we die. No one does. But, while I live I'm going to be the best person I can be, whether or not I believe anyone is watching. According to Joey, and I agree with him, religious people are not truly GOOD people. The truly GOOD people are atheists. Religious people are only good with an ulterior motive of going to heaven in the end. Atheists that are good people, are good for the sake of being good, not because they are getting anything out of it.

Don't get me wrong, I have no problems with religious people. I even cried during "The Passion of the Christ." You should believe in what you want to believe in. HOWEVER, when you look at me like I'm a horrible person because of my beliefs, then we have a problem. We'll also have a problem when you try to "save my soul" by preaching to me the wonders of your god. I don't care. I don't need more religious sermons in my life, I went through 12 years of Catholic school, remember? I've had my fill.

Homosexuality is evil! Can I get an AMEN?!

2006-03-30T11:32:00.000-05:00

Is it homosexuality that is evil, or sodomy? If it's the latter, then I'm going to hell. For the record, I've never had anal sex, but I wouldn't be completely opposed to it. Add that to my multiple tattoos (the 'mark of the devil' according to dad) and winning personality, and I'll be supervisor in hell soon enough. Figures, I can do it down there, but not up here.

Recently, a teacher at Miami Sunset Senior High has come under fire for her religious-freak, ignorant comments about homosexuality. It seems that a "gay" themed segment was taped and aired throughout the school in which she claims that homosexuality is wrong because the queer folks cannot procreate. The reason behind sex is solely for procreation, apparently. Tell that to the billion porn companies out there. I love how these people quote the bible in chastising homosexuality, but isn't it the bible that says god forgives all? God loves all? All except gays, evidently. Get off your high horse, you religious, Nazi freaks!! YOU'RE the one going to hell with the way you disrespect and criticize other people's lifestyles. Live your own life and mind your own fucking business.

On other fag-friendly news, Massachusetts has ruled that their same-sex marriage laws are not meant to be taken out of the state. I agree. If you live in Mass, and get married in Mass, then you should stay there. FOREVER. Who says that Florida has to recognize that you were legally married elsewhere? So, when you get married in Florida, gay or straight, and you move to New York you should be made to marry all over again. If you're in the military and move around a lot, then you'll be saying your nuptials quite often. Does this mean if you're in between moves and you decide that you don't want to be married anymore it's just null and void? No divorce needed, it just never existed? That would do wonders for the divorce rate of this country. Not to mention all the out-of-work divorce lawyers.

What is it that scares people about being gay?? What's the big deal?? Just mind your own business! What do you care who I fuck or have a relationship with? Does it affect you in any way? I don't think so.

I may have a biased opinion, though... =)

Sinead O'Connor? Is that you??

2006-03-22T15:06:00.000-05:00

Ever since I was born, my mother has cut my hair. She was a beautician for most of my life. About 3 years ago she decided to retire her scissors and become a realtor. She's doing very well. I'm happy for her. I am not happy at losing my hair stylist. She refuses to do my hair, anymore. How do I cut the umbilical cord?? I have no choice. So, I decided to get my hair cut at lunch today. I took a picture with me, so there is no confusion about what I want. Keep in mind that I am EXTREMELY paranoid at anyone touching my head, other than my mother. Now, I know why: THE WOMAN BUTCHERED MY HAIR!!! It looks NOTHING like the pretty picture I took. NOTHING!! It's a good thing I no longer look like a pro-wrestler, or this haircut would make me look like a bowling ball. HEINOUS!! Absolutely fucking heinous. Did I tip her? Yes. Why? I felt bad. I know, I know.. I'm stupid.

Moral of the story: I will not cut my hair ever again. I will be one of those 80 year old women with grey hair down to their ass. The ones that you see on the street and you feel like taking a pair of box cutters to their heads because, they just look ridiculous. Yep, that will be me. Just call me Rapunzel.

How to stop caring...

2006-03-17T14:32:00.000-05:00

Step #1: Remind yourself that it's just a job and it's not the end of the world.

Step #2: Do not let said job ruin your weekend.

Step #3: Get laid.

Step #4: Have a ciggarette after getting laid.

Oh, wait.. I lost my train of thought. My apologies.

Go home, tourist!!

2006-03-11T18:15:00.000-05:00

Today was a prime example of why I loathe South Beach as much as I do.. with the exception of Lincoln Road, which isn't as bad as the rest of the beach. I got there at about 5pm to go to the MAC store and do some makeup shopping. I didn't even look at the store, or look for parking. It took me 1 hour to get home. It took me 1 damn hour to drive less than 50 blocks.

When you go to NYC, do you not look both ways before crossing the street?? Do you not pay attention to the lights?? NYers will run your ass over, no question. Why is it when you come here you just saunter across the street without a care in the world, when there are cars trying to pass?? Why can you not wait your turn?? Why must you be on a cell phone paying even less attention? Will it take one of us corny Floridians running your ghetto ass over in order for you to pay attention?? If so, I will gladly take one for the team.

Scooters. Whomever invented scooters needs to be hung by their toenails with rusty hooks. They are the most heinous invention on the planet. Do you think you're in Europe?? Do you think you are driving a Harley?? I love the ghetto boys, with the gold teeth, that drive them in packs. The neon green/yellow scooters that look oh-so-manly!! Do you not see how queer you look driving around with your 5 friends in matching scooters!! Why don't you all wear matching chaps while you're at it!

Bleach and fake tits. First off sweetie, frosting is so 1990, are you kidding me? Secondly, when you're running across the street and your tits aren't bouncing with you, we know their fake. At least spend the money on a good surgeon.

Upturned collars. What's with the 15 yr olds from Podunk, Idaho wearing their cute little Polo shirts with the collars turned up? Are we a rebel?? Are we having a James Dean moment?? Do you even know who James Dean is? Wear your shirt the proper way. You don't look cool, or even remotely rebel-like, you just look like mommy didn't dress you properly this morning.

...and the Oscar goes to the overpaid, emaciated, Hollywood Starlet #4576

2006-03-06T15:20:00.000-05:00

So, did anyone watch the Oscars last night? I only watched half of it, mostly because I don't give a shit. I'm not sitting at the edge of my seat to see who wins the Oscar this year!!! I only watch to see who looks like shit.

So, let's go through that list, shall we?? Tim Burton: What is up with the unshowered, just-got-off-a-rollercoaster look?? Is the frizz ball on the top of your head that much of a turn on to poor Helena??

Charlize Theron: Under normal circumstances you look amazing. I mean, with a man like Stuart Townsend, you can't be half bad.. However, I think you should seriously think about having your hair and makeup artist shot by Joan Rivers. Or Melissa, whichever aim is better.

J-Lo: I have one thing to say to you.. what the hell were you doing there to begin with??? Do you think you're an actress?? I thought you were just a wife? Maybe we should ship you off to Ave Maria, FL so you can learn not to get married 457878 times in a year. And, I think you're taking the name of your perfume too seriously.. "Glow" is definitely what you've accomplished. Overbronze much?

I don't only look at the horrors.. there are always beautiful people at the Oscar's.

First, and foremost: Nicole Kidman. Absolutely breathtaking. How Tom could have left you for that pouty-lipped, deer-in-the-headlights twirp is beyond me. Maybe he's a pedophile? He likes the ones that can't cut their own meat..

Salma Hyek: Talk about curvy spics! Yum. You're hot. Can I keep you in a plastic storage bin in my closet?? Right in between Michael Rosenbaum and Ryan Phillippe? I think you'll all get along well.

Honorable Mention goes to: Keira Knightley. You bug me, mostly because you're too damn skinny, but you look great.

Domino's Pizza and Ave Maria

2006-03-03T15:49:00.000-05:00

Only in Florida...

The founder of Domino's Pizza, who has sold the business in order to devote his life to doing good deeds, has formed a partnership with Barron Collier Company (real estate development) to create a town. They are constructing a Catholic University, and creating the town of Ave Maria (after the Ave Maria University).

This lovely little town will be completely Catholic. Stores will not sell pornographic materials, condoms, birth control, and cable tv will be restricted. What are the problems with this, other than the obvious legal issues?? WHAT IS THE POINT?? Let's take the fact that pharmacies won't sell condoms. And?? Do you really think that an entire university of horny teenagers will not drive 10 miles down the road to buy a box?? Or, drive to the x-rated video store for some porn? Are you going to make it illegal to own these items, as well? If not, then this is pointless. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe they won't bother driving the 10 miles down the road for some Trojans with Spermacide. Then, you'll have a happy little town with the highest rate of teenage pregnancy in the US. Good job, Domino's man! Oh, and have I mentioned that abortion are not allowed here?

I thought the creepy town of Celebration, FL was bad, but this takes the cake. Why is it that Florida is full of these stepford-wives areas?? Do people really want to live like this? Call me crazy, but I like the fact that everyone is different and everyone has different beliefs. Of course, they are all stupid because they don't think like I do, but it's their prerogative.

Get out of Pleasantville, people!! We're not living in the 30's anymore!! The world is a happy place full of sex, drugs, abortions and welfare payments! Get used to it, cuz it ain't gonna get any better than this.

And, that is my two cents.

4 Things

2006-03-03T14:01:00.000-05:00

Ok, Ana has given me another list to compile. Another list of crap you don't care to know about me. Here is my list of 4 things for your reading displeasure:

Four Jobs I've Had: Trainer for Miami-Dade Elections (where I'm still at, unfortunately), Admin Asst for Life Insurance Agency (where my 60 yr old boss stuck his toungue in my mouth) & Engineering Firm (where I learned you don't shit where you eat) and Home Depot cashier (where I learned Hialeah is not the place to work)!!

Four Movies I Can Watch Repeatedly: The Craft (I still have a high school obsession with witchcraft), Grease, The Breakfast Club (Can you hear this?? Would you like me to turn it up?), Secretary (I just like watching Maggie try to spank herself with a hairbrush)

Places I've Lived: Miami Beach, FL (hell); Doral, FL (hell); Hialeah, FL (raging, fiery pit of hell); Englewood, NJ

Four TV Shows I Love: Law and Order: SVU, Grey's Anatomy, Desperate Housewives, Everybody Loves Raymond

Four Places I've Vacationed: Italy, San Fransisco, Las Vegas, Aruba

Four Sites I Visit Daily: Yahoo! Mail, MySpace, Blogger, CNN

Four Places I Would Rather Be Right Now: Home, taking a nap, Greece, Italy or Seattle, WA

And, just to add a little twist..

Four Random Names of Guys I've slept with (in no particular order): Martin, John, Joey, DUI (his real name is Jeff)

God Loves You. Everyone Else Thinks You're An Asshole.

2006-02-27T10:14:00.000-05:00

Scratch that, not even god loves you.

My political beliefs tend to stay in the middle. I believe extremists are bad, in either case. An extreme right-wing, republican, natzi-freak is scary and an extreme left-wing, liberal, tree-huggin' nut is just as scary. Fiscally, I'm very conservative. Socially, I'm very liberal. I think people should be allowed to live their own lives, without having to answer to the rest of the world.

The reason I am talking about this is Leonard Pitts, Jr. He's a columnist for the Miami Herald (which I only read for Leonard, on occasion). Today's column is about Fred Phelps, of the Westboro Baptist Church. I refuse to link him on this blog, so you can search for him yourself. And, when you do, pay careful attention to the domain name of his CHURCH website. Fred Phelps is a psycho, Jesus-freak. He has coined the phrase, "God Hates Fags." Now, call me crazy, but after my 12 years of Catholic school, the one thing I learned (if nothing else) was that god hates no one. He forgives all, although I don't think that homosexuality is something that needs to be forgiven. Nor do I think that this blatant hatred and bigotry should be forgiven. I believe that people like Phelps should be put in jail and gang raped by 20 very large convicts. He should be made their bitch. Lipstick, pantyhose and all.

Apparently, Mr. Phelps believes that all of the casualties of the Iraq war are sacrifices made by the American people for being so tolerant of homosexuality. As if this country really is 'tolerant' of it, with that right-wing, religious nutcase in the White House?? To add insult to injury, Mr. Phelps and his natzi crew attend military funerals to celebrate the death of these poor soldiers, in front of their grieving families. Most states want to ban the right to demonstrate at military functions, and these morons are protesting that it is their First Amendment right.

Freedom of Speech. The double edged sword. I'm all for Howard Stern saying "Would you fuck me?" on the radio, but at what expense? He's been kicked off public stations and his 'freedom of speech' taken away, so what gives these morons the right to protest and not be banned?? Some people get freedom and some people don't? What are the guidelines to follow? What is going too far? "Fuck" can't be said aloud, but you can use the word "fag" and it's not offensive/degrading? You can celebrate the death of a 20 year old soldier in front of his grieving single mother, but don't you dare have a stripper masturbate on the radio!! That is just crossing the line.

E.T.?! That's a good one!!!

2006-02-24T10:10:00.000-05:00

I have this co-worker. Let's call him Pat. That is his name, after all. Patrick is a salesman. He's one of those people that has to kiss everyone's ass, so they all think he's wonderful, then throws daggers at them behind their backs. He's also one of those annoying people that laugh ridiculously at the most inane jokes.. just to be a kiss ass.

Quite often Patrick says he'd kick ass on "Survivor" and I agree with him. He's got this good-guy act down really well. Everyone loves him and thinks he's the smartest thing since sliced bread, but he's actually quite useless. He's very good at networking and kissing the right butt. How do I do this? Unfortunately, because I wear my emotions on my sleeves, if I hate you, you will know it. I need to stop that. I need to start kissing more butt and laughing at more corny jokes. Why do I have to be so honest?

I'm currently working on my degree in Public Administration and I know I will get no where working for the government because, I'm not an ass kisser. And, when it comes to this county, it's not what you know, it's who's dick you suck. I can't lower myself to suck dick for a paycheck. Ok, that's being over-dramatic, I can't kiss-ass for a paycheck. It's just not in me. I guess I will always be an indian and never a chief, then. =(

90s Alter-Ego

2006-02-22T09:51:00.000-05:00

"Potential slut". Now where do people get an idea like that about me?

If I were to have a 90s alter-ego I think it would be Rayanne Graff from "My So-Called Life." Only, I didn't dress or look as cool as her. The sluttiness, drinking and drugging may be true, though. I've done a lot more in my teenage years than I care to admit to, which is probably the reason that at 27 I am so old. I was also that bad-influence friend that parents didn't like. Well, not "parents," but a parent. Everyone else loved me, that I know of? Damn that picture.

Were these experiences good? Is that something I could have avoided with better parenting? Should I have avoided them? Are people that didn't drink/drug in their teenage years better adults? Does that really matter? I mean, you only live once, right? Don't get me wrong, I was not as bad as Rayanne.. I was never in need of AA or anything, but I was definitely no angel.

As a parent, should you accept the fact that your teenager will do these things, and just encourage an open relationship with them? Or, should you tell them to say no to drinking/drugs and hope they don't lie to you, and take your advice? Should you be more of a friend, or a parent?

Personally, I know where my poor mother went wrong. She didn't pay enough attention. Money doesn't mean everything, and because I never wanted for anything, she thinks that was what made her a good parent. Not the case. I'm not saying she was horrible, but she should have paid more attention. I appreciate the limos to proms and the DKNY jeans, but some conversations may have been a good idea, too.

All of this fueled a very bad 8 years. From age 15 to about 23 we hated each other. It was non-stop fighting, crying and mean words. Now that I'm old I can appreciate what she went through with me, and I can also see where she went wrong, although I'd never tell her. You can never tell a parent what they did/are doing wrong. Even if they don't think they will be offended, they will be. My mother is now (as corny as this sounds) one of my bestfriends, albeit still a pain in my ass. The moral of the story? Don't have children. Just adopt a 25 yr old.. they are over all the bad stages by then.

I don't mention my father in all of this, because he was never really around. Not because he didn't want to be, but because I didn't let him.. and that has never changed.

Weird Habits

2006-02-20T18:18:00.000-05:00

Apparently, I have to list my top 5 weird habits. I thought I would have a hard time narrowing the list down, but it was actually difficult to think of five. I can easily give you a dozen bad habits, but weird.. I dunno. I guess I'm not as weird as I thought I was. So, ladies & gentlemen, for your amusement:

1. Hair collecting. I shed hair like a dog. I'm surprised I'm not bald. I got really tired of putting Drain-o in the shower, and those little drain covers aren't enough. So, I collect my hair. As I shower and my hair comes out all over my hands, I stick it on the wall. I have a nice little hairball by the time I'm done. I know, I'm weird.

2. I'm constantly looking in the mirror. Is that more vain than it is weird? Is it a girl thing, or is it just me? It's an obsession, though. If I pass a mirror, I HAVE to look in it.. and it's mostly looking at my tummy. I have an obsession with tummies. I dance, too! Mostly when I'm looking in the mirror, and only when I'm alone. I'm always playing music, so I shake my booty as I dress and/or put on makeup.

3. I do this really weird thing with my tongue when I'm in deep concentration, I put it in between my bottom lip and my teeth.. I start to look a little like Bubba from "Forest Gump." Anyway, like I was sayin', shrimp is the fruit of the sea. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute it. Dey's uh, shrimp-kabobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo...

4. I cut onions with goggles on. I don't like the burning and crying, so I use painting goggles to cut onions. It works, so kiss my ass!!

5. I weigh myself at least twice a day. This one actually annoys me. I hate that I do it, but I can't help it. I guess since I used to be a pro-wrestler I'm just paranoid about getting back to those days. I weigh myself every morning, sometimes twice, and every evening.

Leave me comments with your weird habits, so I don't feel so bad. =)

Sexy Ugly

2006-02-16T11:06:00.000-05:00

"Who do you have to blow to get some fucking pussy around here!"

While I sit in front of the mirror and blowdry my hair for an hour, I watch a DVD. The other night it was "Kissing Jessica Stein," which is a movie I really like. If you haven't seen it, put it on your Netflix list.

Today, in an effort to waste more tax-payer dollars, I was watching some videos at work. Shakira's "No," Pink's "Stupid Girls" and NIN "The Hand That Feeds." In the movie, Helen talks about a category of man called "sexy ugly." The men that she was referring to, to me, were just plain ol' ugly. Harvey Keitel, Lyle Lovett (ick), so I didn't really get it. I didn't get it until I watched the NIN video. I think Trent Reznor is definitely sexy-ugly. He's not an extremely attractive man, but he is so incredibly sexy!! I'd totally do him. Who else is in this category? How about Steven Tyler? He's older, but still has something about him. Lastly, Liam Neeson. I don't know why, but I have a thing for him.

Yvette's Top Five Sexy-Ugly Men:
5. Marilyn Manson
4. Liam Neeson
3. Steven Tyler
2. Adrien Brody
1. Trent Reznor (see above)

Yvette's Top Five Yummy Men (I'm not talking acting skills, just hotness):
5. James Marsden
4. Matthew McConaughey
3. Ryan Phillippe
2. Ewan McGregor
1. Michael Rosenbaum

Yvette's Top Five Yummy Women:
5. Claire Forlani
4. Rose McGowan
3. Kate Beckinsale
2. Scarlett Johansson
1. Angelina Jolie

The Day After...

2006-02-15T11:14:00.000-05:00

Would you like to know how my Valentine's Day was spent?? Well first off, my mid-term was cancelled, much to my annoyance... I was prepared, damnit. So, I went home, ordered Cuban food (I needed something fatty) and sat in front of the t.v. watching "Sex and the City" reruns on TBS. That, my friends, was my pathetic day of lovers. No flowers, no candy, no teddie bears.. well, that's a lie. I got a little ape holding a heart from my favorite fags. Most importantly, I didn't get laid. I don't think my little plastic friend and Jezebelle Bond count.

Valentine's Day, bah, humbug.

2006-02-14T08:20:00.000-05:00

"You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true."

Happy Valentine's Day. I woke up this morning, and not realizing what day it is, subconsciously dressed in black. Today is apparently a day of mourning. It's been quite a few years since I haven't had a Valentine's Day date, and in all honesty, I don't seem to care all that much. I have a mid-term tonight, which is occupying my mind right now.. I've also already been to the Melting Pot this week, so all is good in the world. Cupid can kiss my fat ass.

Did anyone happen to see the last 2 episodes of "Grey's Anatomy??" What a great show. If all of the other episodes sucked (and they don't), this is not the one to miss. Drama, drama, drama. I actually had a semi-discussion with Joey this morning about Meredith and Dr. McDreamy: He's calling Meredith a slut and Dr. McDreamy a prick because he cheated/is cheating on his wife. However, since he doesn't watch the show, he doesn't know the whole story. McDreamy found his wife in bed with his bestfriend and left her. He moved to Chicago (I think that's where they are?) and met and fell for Meredith. The wife comes looking for him and wants him to forgive her indiscretions, which he does.. sort of. He leaves Meredith and stays with his wife, even though we all know he's in love with Meredith. Now, my question is this: how wrong is it to fall for someone else? Obviously, cheating is wrong, but should you stay in an unhappy relationship just for commitment's sake? And, if you're in a committed relationship (married, or not) and the other person has a temporary lapse of judgment, how easy is it to forgive them? What if it only happened once? What if it's happened several times? Could you forgive them?

Personally, I'd chop his balls off. Heh. Just kidding. I don't think I could forgive even one indiscretion, though. There would always be this lack of trust and paranoia in the back of my mind. Where is he?? Who is he with?? I won't stay in a relationship for commitment's sake, marriage or not. I've heard about a few married men, with children, that cheat on their wives on a regular basis. This is apparently normal to them. They claim to love their wives, but just want something different. Are we not made to be monogamous? Does true love really exist, if this is the case? People are always going to want something different. If you have a ham & cheese sandwich everyday for the next five years, eventually, you will get sick of it. Why bother getting married, then?

Useless Managers

2006-02-09T13:05:00.000-05:00

Right now I am sitting in a Microsoft Project training session. Yes, Miami, this is your tax money hard at work. I came in at 8:30 this morning and was told to come here. Why? Well, because it seems that my division director, who we'll call Tweedle Dee, and his lackee assistant (Tweedle Dumb) are useless. They attended this very same training on Monday and were completely lost, so I have been sent in to learn the program for them.

Let's go through the first 4 hours of this training in a nutshell:

Trainer: "Now, class, how do you save your project?? You go to 'file' and click on 'save as'. How do you open a new project? Click on the icon with the little disk.."

How does one become a deputy director for an entire division and not know what a hard drive is? Or, how to save a document?? The fact that this poor shmo has to come train us on ridiculous stuff like how to open a new document is hysterical! My boss is a man with a Master's Degree, mind you. And, he's not the only one! That's the more pathetic part! There are 2 of us in here for the same reason, cuz our bosses are useless.

I understand the fact that you are qualified for this job because you've been doing it for 400 years, but at least try to learn new things! Shouldn't a manager want to update their skills? Why would you want your employees to know more than you??

I should just be the boss. I rule.

Past Life Regression

2006-02-06T09:11:00.000-05:00

"I've been trying to remember things, CLEARLY remember things, from my past, but the more I try to think back, the more it all starts to unravel. None of it seems real. It's like I've just been dreaming this life, and when I finally wake up, I'll be somebody else. Somebody totally different!" -Dark City

I hung out with some friends this past weekend and most of the evening was spent rehashing stories of our youth. All of us having grown up in Cuban households (with the exception of the sole Mexican) we all had a similar upbringing. Something struck me as I listened to all the stories, though.. I don't remember anything from my childhood. I only remember high school. Anything before that is a complete blur. I know how I was raised, and I remember little incidents here and there, but not to the extent of the stories I was litening to on Saturday.

I remember the time I went to the trashy neighbors house to hang out with their kids, after I was told not to, and I came home to get the beating of my life. Damn that correa. I also remember the time in 3rd grade that I got a bad grade and needed to have it signed by my mother. What did I do? I forged my mother's signature. In the third grade! Needless to say, I got another beating. These are really the only incidents I remember, though.

Was I that traumatized as a child? Or, have all the drugs from high school affected me that much? I do remember most of high school.. Like the time Ana had her Sweet 15 and I got smashed and someone took a picture of me with my hand on some guy's privates. I wasn't really a slut, I swear!! I remember all our corny dances, with our flannel shirts and Converse sneakers. I remember all our formal social functions. But, for the life of me, I cannot remember anything before freshman year.

Does the way you raise your child really have that much of an impact on their memory? Am I purposely storing all this info in the back of my mind somewhere? Maybe I should go to a hypnotherapist? They can rehash my youth and then some..

F%#^& this %^$## !!

2006-01-31T10:27:00.000-05:00

"If you were happy every day of your life you wouldn't be a human being. You'd be a game-show host."

I admit that the following post is pretty self-absorbed, as if you care about any of it, but it's my blog, so bite me.

Yvette's Top 5 Worst Qualities:

5. Cursing. I curse. A lot. I have the mouth of a fucking trucker. Kiss my fat ass.

4. Low tolerance. I have low/no tolerance for many things: bad drivers, chick drivers (which are really one in the same), stupidity, ebonics, non-english speaking people in the USA under the age of 60, walkie-talkie cell phones (Nextel?) I don't really give a rat's ass about you or your sad life, people that go grocery shopping and stand in the middle of the isle not bothering to be considerate of others needing to go by..

3. Loudness. I'm Cuban/Sicilian, that comes with the territory. When I am passionately speaking about something I tend to get a little loud and/or angry-faced. It's not directed at you, but it may come across that way.

2. I wear my emotions on my sleeves. If I'm sad, you'll know it. If I'm happy, you'll know it. If I hate you, you'll know it. Needless to say, I'm not much of an ass-kissing, networking type of person.

2. IDRGAS. I suffer from a very complicated disease called "I Don't Really Give A Shit." I don't care about the mundane. If you tell me you have an appointment on Tuesday at 8am, to get the rash on your ass checked out, I will more than likely call you at that exact moment. I forget. More importantly, I don't really give a shit.

2. Impatience. I'm very impatient, especially if it's someone, err.. something that I REALLY want.

1. I don't like anyone. You know how you're guilty until proven innocent? Same with me, you're an asshole until proven otherwise.

(Yes, I know I repeated #2, I just don't want to admit that there are more than 5 bad qualities)

I considered adding "The top 5 Most Endearing Qualities," however, they were really hard to think of. I can easily give you my worst qualities, but the good ones are more difficult to say without sounding like an arrogant bitch. Besides, the only people that read this stupid thing already know me, so you know why you love me. =)

I Wanna Sex U Up

2006-01-29T18:51:00.000-05:00

"Come inside take off your coat I'll make you feel at home. Now, let's pour a glass of wine cuz now we're all alone. I've been waiting for you girl just let me hold you close to me, cuz I've been dying for you girl to make love to me."

Don't you think Color Me Badd was way before its time? What a talented bunch.

It's a cruel fact of nature that orgasms require concentration. I think we should all have been made to just walk down the street and if the wind blows the right way, we get a nice surprise. Well, that may make things a little messy for men, so just women should be that way. We shouldn't have to think about it too much, or get screwed by distractions, like the fucking headboard hitting the wall so hard that you're afraid your neighbors will either (a) think you're being killed, or (b) think you're a super tramp. Ahh.. they're just jealous. They wish they could have ass-slappin', headboard-rockin', back-scratchin' sex. We all do. ;-)

While I'm at it, vibrators should be made more quiet. Maybe I have a cheap one, but when it's got new batteries that little bastard is loud. I have to keep my iPod blaring, because my walls are so thin.

I have this hottie german neighbor. We'll call him Gunter. When I first moved in, Gunter asked me out. I was excited, hottie german neighbor wants to go out with me. So, we went on our date and it was.. ok. We went to see "King Kong" and then I ate, because he had eaten before we went out. Top three problems with Gunter:

1. He's poor. Not that I'm materialistic, but when you have to eat before a date, so you don't spend money on food you're too poor for me.

2. He's a party person. He's my age, so there wasn't an age problem, but I'm a lot older in personality than I am in age, I guess? He's all into partying, clubbing and techno music. So not me. I like quiet. Movies, dinners, hanging out with friends, etc.

3. He's foreign. I have no problem with foreigners, especially hot, german ones. However, there wasn't that pop-culture thing in common that you would have with someone of your own age group that is American. It's just a completely different lifestyle over there. Oh, I should mention, he is VERY german.. as in, has only been here since last summer.

So, given all these things, do you think we had a good time? Not really. It wasn't TERRIBLE, but it wasn't great, either. There were long periods of silence followed by me saying, "What??" 39078897 times because his damn accent is so thick I can't understand him. I thought the feeling was mutual, since I hadn't seen him for over a month after we went out. We hadn't even passed each other in the hallway. Well, it just so happens that Gunter and I meet in the lobby of the building yesterday afternoon. We chatted politely for a few minutes and then he asked me out, again?! Are you insane?? We barely spoke the first time?! Why would you want to go out with me, again?? I wouldn't ask me out, again! I gave him some sad excuse about studying constantly and not having much of a life. I feel bad. Maybe I'm delusional? Maybe he's just desperate for friends and just wants me to introduce him to cute chicks? Either way, don't shit where you eat, or in this case, sleep.

Who Will Save My Soul?

2006-01-25T15:14:00.000-05:00

You ever do something you know is completely wrong, but you can't help doing? Then, you become addicted and, you're in over your head. You know that stopping is the best thing you can do, and will save you and your miserable soul, but you can't seem to want to save yourself from this potentially self-destructive behavior... you just sit back and enjoy the ride, even if it leaves you in shambles at the end.

Jack of all trades, master of none...

2006-01-24T10:11:00.000-05:00

At the supermarket last night I overheard a mother talking to her very dorky teenage daughter about a grade she had gotten on a paper she wrote. Apparently, the girl isn't the best writer, so she got a B on her paper. I think a B isn't too bad. The mother thought otherwise. She wasn't mean, but she made it clear that she was disappointed in this and that the girl had to try harder.

I always want something better. Someone better, something better, I can always do better. Not necessarily better than you, just better, in general. But, your opinion will matter, of course. I care too much about what other people think. I think it's the cuban in me. "What will the neighbors think??"

I've also aways been a 'jack of all trades and master of none.' I do things well enough not to suck, but not excellent. I draw, I paint, I'm crafty, I cook, I (sort of) write. I do not excel at any of these, I do them well enough to be noticed. I get good grades, not necessarily because I am smart, but because I memorize. I memorize enough to do well for the moment and then it's all gone the next day.

I was never one of those people that knew what they wanted to be a zoo keeper from age 5. I have never been interested enough in anything to want to make it a career, and at the same time, everything has always interested me. I've changed majors more times than I care to admit (yes, I am still in school, bite me). This time I hope to stick with what I've chosen. Why have I chosen this particular major? Because I want to be better. I want to have a life better than what I currently have. Not that my life is terrible, I really can't complain, but I'm never satisfied. I always have to push myself farther and with a degree I can make more money. Money is a big factor. It's not that I'm particularly interested in the government or computers, but it makes a decent living and that concerns me. I want to be comfortable. I don't need to be loaded, just comfortable.

Will this be the case all the time? With career? With life? With love? What if I get married and/or have kids? Am I going to want to trade them in for something better later on? Will I be one of those horrible parents that is never satisfied with their kids or their abilities? Fuck, I hope not.

Not Married with Children

2006-01-22T22:32:00.000-05:00

"All I ever wanted to do was spend my life loving you, you disgusting sack of shit."

"If that's all you wanted, then why did you hire the sleaziest lawyer in town, you pathologically deluded, morally bankrupt, in-denial, self-esteem-deficient bitch on wheels?"

"I am NOT in denial."

"Love Stinks" wasn't a particularly good movie, but I can't help thinking how close to reality it actually is. The woman chases the guy, beating him into submission and her only goal in life is to be married, all the while he is running for his life. Are we all bred that way? Men are brought up to want to 'play the field' and have fun and women just want to meet that one penguin and spend the rest of their lives popping out babies and worshipping their husbands?

That's sort-of the way I was raised. I was told to go to school, get an education and a good job.. be independent. But, with a subliminal message of "GET MARRIED!! GET MARRIED!!" Now, that I'm 27 and haven't really lived with immediate family (namely, mom) for a few years I notice something a little annoying: Whenever I have a boyfriend my family feels better. My mother doesn't call me as much, my grandmother doesn't worry as much. Now that I'm alone, I get phone calls from both parties 545657 times a day and my grandmother calls me crying about the latest rape victim she heard about on the ever-so-exaggerated hispanic news. What happened to get an education, be independent?? Now, I need a man in my life to take care of me? I need a man in my life so they feel I'm 'safe' and leave me alone?

Lately, my mother has gotten into the grandbaby kick, too. I have to give her a grandkid, married or not. And, if it isn't married, what then? Is the child destined to be more screwed up than normal? Are children of divorce that bad? I'm a child of divorce and I couldn't be more happy about that. Thinking about having had to live with my father for 18 years makes me cringe. Should people 'stay together for the kids?' Is 18 years of miserable unhappiness really worth the mental health of the child, when inevitably you will screw them up? You want the best for your child, but at what expense?

Take it from the poster child of divorce, it's not that bad. We'll get over it. It's better than watching you fight for 20 years, or resent each other for longer.

The Ghost In You

2006-01-20T11:37:00.000-05:00

A man in my shoes runs a light
and all the papers lied tonight
but falling over you
is the news of the day
Angels fall like rain
And love - is all of heaven away

Inside you the times moves
and she don't fade
The ghost in you
She don't fade
Inside you the time moves
and she don't fade

A race is on
I'm on your side
And here in you
my engines die
I'm in a mood for you
Or running away
Stars come down in you
and love - you can't give it away

Inside you the times moves
and she don't fade
The ghost in you
She don't fade
Inside you the time moves
and she don't fade

Don't you go
it makes no sense
when all your talk
and supermen
just take away the time
and get in the way
Ain't it just like rain
And love - is only heaven away

Inside you the times moves
and she don't fade
The ghost in you
She don't fade
Inside you the time moves
and she don't fade

This song reminds me of you.

Office Space

2006-01-19T08:18:00.000-05:00

"So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life."

Office Space was such a good movie.

Did you know that the concept of "age discrimination" is only written for older people? It isn't illegal for someone not to hire you because you're too young. In fact, I think it's a rule, law, or something, that the president cannot be younger than a specific age. Just because you're old(er) does not mean you're useless and can't do a job well. Just because you're young doesn't mean you're ignorant or flighty. It works both ways, people!!!

I've never had a problem with age discrimination, as far as attaining a job. Well, not that I know of, but then again, most of my jobs have been clerical-type positions, which younger people usually occupy. However, I do have a problem with a co-worker. One of my co-workers is someone I've known since I'm about 19. She is actually my ex's mother. Before I worked with her we got along really well. Since working together I have never been so annoyed by anyone more in my life. Probably because we didn't speak all that often. Our relationship consisted of me eating her food and closing myself in her son's room for hours on end. Well, the problem I have now is because she's older and has known me from my goth-punk days 10 years ago, she thinks she's the boss of me. We both hold the same title and pay. I've actually had the job longer, so you might say I have more seniority. Not to mention, I have way more education. But, she still thinks, or kisses ass, like she's one of the bosses. I have to be polite. I can't tell her off, like I want to do on most days, but how am I supposed to deal with her? I try to avoid her as much as possible, but this is a weird situation where we're supposed to be a very close-knit division. How do you politely tell someone to back off and to stop being such a raging pain in the ass??

We had a meeting today to look at some software changes that we need to know about. She went into the room and just took over!! "Please leave the screen shots on MY desk.." or "I'LL change the manual to show that.." Is she kidding me?? She's about as technical as my big toe. Not to mention I'm the one who created everything and now she's taken it upon herself to edit it. Well, good job, lady. You can insert periods and commas really well!!

In this damn office I've quickly learned that networking and ass-kissing are two very necessary evils. I bust my ass and go well beyond my job description when necessary, but the only people to get recognized are the ass kissers (read above). Ass kissing and age are the important things around here. Everyone assumes because I'm younger, she knows more. Everyone assumes because she's such a fake person, and great at ass kisser, that she's more important. Everyone assumes that she's the boss of me. SHE'S NOT, DAMNIT! I quit.

I'll stop bitching now.

Vegetarian, Vegan.. how do they do it??

2006-01-18T02:20:00.000-05:00

I'm usually opposed to New Years resolutions because, well, they don't work. Most people promise to eat better or lose weight, go to the gym more often. What this really means is the organic grocery store and the local gym are packed the whole month of January, then die down the rest of the year. However, this year, I gave myself a resolution.

My father is a Jesus-freak, vegan, conspiracy-theorist, Sicilian. Makes sense, right? Well, if my multiple tattoos aren't sending me straight to hell (being the mark of the devil and all), then McDonald's was my downfall as a child. Apparently, I ate too much fast food as a child, which is why I now have MS. This coming from a man who I have barely seen since I was about 5 is hysterical. Not to mention the fact that thousands of scientists around the globe have yet to figure out what really causes MS, but my Dr. Dad knows all. This all seems like pointless info but, there is a point, I swear:

My New Years resolution this year was to become a vegetarian for 6 months and if I could hack it without wanting to kill myself, or some poor, unsuspecting cow on N.W. 25th Street, then I would go full vegan. The purpose? Dr. Daddy seems to think that if I become a vegan it will cure all that ails me. Suddenly, my MS will disappear. Forget all the studies that have been done, forget the lack of research in this area, forget the fact that holistic medicine/food isn't a proven science. Forget the fact that there are millions of children that LIVE OFF OF fast food (and I was NOT one of them, if anything too much Cuban food was my downfall) and they are fine. If I become a vegan, I will be cured. Ok, dad, I will try. I figure one of two, potentially good, things will happen: either (a) I will not be cured and I can prove him wrong and tell him to leave me alone, or (b) it actually does work and I am cured. Either way, I win.

I'm still on month one. I've been ok so far, I haven't had really intense cravings for any animals. But, I've noticed something not good about this whole thing: in my quest to "cure" my MS I have been eating really terribly! I spend so much time and energy trying to avoid animal fat that I end up eating too much junk food. I eat a tiny salad for lunch, go to school starving and end up eating pretzels or a snack bar. I'm not normally a junk food person, but I can't help it! Being a vegetarian requires too much time, which is a luxury not afforded one with a full-time job who goes to school full-time, as well. I get home most days at 10pm, if I'm lucky, do you really think I want to make food?? No. I want to pass by Boston Market and get an Asian Chicken Salad, or go to Subway and order a Turkey sandwich on whole wheat, with no mayo. Although, both of these places are technically "fast food," my choices aren't horrible. I don't mind cooking, when there is time. I have no time for such things. How am I supposed to be a vegetarian with no time? I know there are frozen vegan entrees you can buy, but doesn't this sort of defeat the purpose? If all the chemicals in our foods are what's making us sick, then frozen foods can't be good, tofu or not.

Any vegetarians/vegans want to help??

The San Francisco treat!

2006-01-12T04:25:00.000-05:00

For those of you that don't know, or care for that matter, I was just in San Francisco. Last Wednesday I flew to San Francisco, having never been here before. I have created this blog because, well.. I'm a dork. Also, so everyone can see pictures before I've done my cheesy scrapbook by the year 2010. School/work/love/life keeps me a little busy.

However,since I'm told bitching is what I do best, let me begin this with my flight. It was hell. There should be a child-free airline. I would totally pay extra money to know that I will not be sitting near screaming, crying children. Now, the fat lady that takes up 2 seats, or the large man that doesn't seem to know what deodorant is, that's fair game. If you get stuck with one of those, just deal with it. Children, however, are another story. I was stuck with 2 kids kicking the back of my seat and screaming the entire 5 hour flight. No amount of dirty looks to the parents could make them control the nose-pickers. In fact, it may have made them worse. In these instances, I blame the parents. Is your child that spoiled that you can't make them stop screaming bloody murder?? When I was a kid all it took was a look. I didn't have to hear a word, I just got 'the look' and it was all over. But, I guess this goes back to that whole hitting your child thing and the legalities if it. Personally, I think a spanking never hurt anyone. I was spanked and I'm not crying abuse. Just beat the little bastards. Just kidding!! Wouldn't I make a great mom??

Anywho, so we begin our journey in the Argonaut Hotel, which is AWESOME. I cannot tell you how glad I am that I picked this place. It is the cutest hotel I have ever seen. Not to mention the great location! We were at the end of Fisherman's Wharf, right next to Pier 39. Lots of shopping, lots of food, lots of new credit card charges. The weather was fantastic. as well! No rain and/or flooding, thank you. Talk about perfect timing?!

We did one of those cheesy city tours the first day we were there and saw the Golden Gate Bridge & Park, the Full House house which people were way too excited about. John Stamos doesn't really turn me on. We drove by Haight and Ashbury (did I spell that right?), but didn't stop. Personally, I think the tour bus driver may have been a little scared of the hippies. She kept on pointing out random punks on the street, meanwhile there was a pink haired girl on the bus.

The reason behind this random trip was because my mother's neighbor had a family wedding to attend (most of her family is there, including her son). She invited us to tag-along, sort of. However, we stayed in Fisherman's Wharf and they were in San Jose, which is about an hour's distance. We were invited to the wedding, which we declined, but I was interested in going to the Henna Ceremony (they are from Pakistan). I figured it'd be different, and seeing as I don't have any other Indian friends I would probably not have this chance, again. The Henna Ceremony is a traditional ceremony before the actual wedding where the bride's hands and feet are painted with henna, as well as guests at the party. It's supposed to represent virginity and keep away the evil eye or something? Traditionally, this is an all female event (kind of like a bridal shower), so eventually, the men were kicked out and the families perform/dance/sing for the brides. It's really cute.

Next, it's off to Alcatraz. We took the ferry over and it was cold as hell. In case you don't know, Alcatraz is a former military/federal prison where people like Al Capone were held. It's its own little island right off Fisherman's Wharf. Most of the jail has been preserved and it's a big tourist attraction. You hike up to the jail about half mile and they have headphones for those stupid self-guided tours. It was creepy and kind of depressing, but interesting. I can't imagine what it's like living in a teeny cell for years and years. Apparently, Alcatraz was one of the only jails that allowed the inmates hot water for showers. The idea behind that being that they would acclimate to the hot water and not be able to swim in the bay without freezing to death. Lovely.

We also went to the Winchester Mansion in San Jose. The House was built by the heiress of the Winchester rifles, who was told by a psychic that ghosts were haunting her because of the many people killed with Winchester Rifles. So, she created this bizarre house to "trick" the ghosts, building doorways and stairs that lead to no where and had construction going on the house for 38 years straight. It's a huge place with a million rooms and stairs, all kind of small. Apparently Mrs. Winchester was only 4'10".

You can't go to San Fran without going to Napa Valley, so the wine tasting is next. I was labeled designated driver before I had a chance to argue, so you don't see me drinking. We went to Duckhorn (I think?), Coppola and some other place I can't remember the name of. It's a beautiful drive and the vinyards are gorgeous, but again, don't take the kiddies. It's pretty boring if you're not into wine. We actually bought some food and had a little picnic at one of the vinyards, and everyone finished off a bottle of wine. Drunken losers. Yes, I'm jealous.

Last thing I'll bore you with is the Japanese Tea Gardens. We did go to more places, but you'll have to ask me to see the pictures. The JTG is in Golden Gate Park and isn't all that exciting, unless you like pretty stuff. It's really picturesque and cute, with all it's plants and structures, but don't take the kids. It's boring.

And that is the end of our short San Francisco tour!!